My Personal Legend

Late Documentation

2008-12-09T23:51:00.003+08:00

So I've been thinking about what I've been through over the past months. I realized that I've been "gathering life experiences in very large doses". I am almost like having an everyday overdose of life itself. Maybe its because of my constant tendency of over-thinking and over-analyzing the happennings and goings-on of my life, but you know what, in my own perspective, I can say I've been through a lot. Only I and God knows the real deal, the real score of the gist of my story.

I am such a storyteller so I've thought how much I've been missing a lot on telling and sharing my stories to the world wide web. I've been absent in the blog-o-rama for quite some time now. If only I had the time [well, I actually have all the time in the world] and the right resources to constantly jot away my stories, then I would have felt a little more helpful to the society. I've been literally begging my 'rents for a laptop this year, so hopefully next year, I'll get what I've been begging for months. And with that, I could easily make myself present in the world wide web. Jeez. I just LOOOOVE blogging, know what I mean.

So anayway, bottomline is, I just wish I'd documented more on my freshmen year in college. It could have been a good read 50 years later. Well, there's no use crying over spilt milk. There are a few months left before the 2nd sem ends. I't may be too late but I'm sure, a lot of juicy stuff are going to happen pretty soon.

xoxo,
misschrayola
[okay, just to explain myself: i've been watching too much Gossip Girl & miss chrayola is like, my pseudoname in the net from now on] :)

Making Spaghetti With Friends

2008-11-09T09:32:00.000+08:00

I had such a very fun birthday. Few people know how emotional I become when it's my birthday. I've had a series of bad birthdays for years that I gave up even hoping to have a pure & sincere good time on my birthday. But this year, I actually did.

Thanks to the spontaneity of my friends and I, we had an awesome unplanned slumber party. Patty's aunt owns this beach house in Guimbal so we packed our bags the morning of my birthday and headed out. We were pretty loaded that day. We splurged on groceries and spur-of-the-moment shopping. Like we just bought whatever popped into our minds.Hahaha! We ended up buying too much food. So yeah, we pigged out. A LOT.

And to top it all off, we cooked our food the old style way- over uling. Later that day, we swam in the beach, made smores and Patty got drunk with vodka.

So yeah. We had endless stories about random things and people. And we did crazy stuff only the four of us could understand.

Good times, good times. The best thing about my birthday was the realization how great it is to be in college. I have all the freedom in the world, yet I am sane enough not to abuse it.

Gosh, this is the life.

PS. pictures will be posted soon.

Yes, we can.

2008-11-09T08:51:00.000+08:00

I've just read Pres. Barack Obama's speech on election day and it almost moved me to tears. He's the most hopeful American I have ever known. It's comfortable to know that despite how upside down and chaotic America has been, with the never-ending war and financial crisis, there is a man serving like a torch of light that lifts up the trampled American spirit. I'm really happy for America. The election of Pres. Obama once again proves how history can dramatically change according to the acts, choices and decisions of the people who form it. I have high hopes that the 67 bilion American people who voted on election day acted, chose and decided wisely.

God bless America. :)

I Regret

2008-10-22T12:01:00.000+08:00

I’m glad to tell you that I’m doing better here at home. I’m in a superficial place I used to live in. But this time, I am not that same old superficial person. Actually, I guess this is the reason why I didn’t feel like going back to Bacolod. Whenever I’m home, I tend to become my old self who lives and breathes meaningless things. But I know that I’ve grown out from that shallow surface of my personality. Like what I’ve said before, I’ve grown older while away from home.

Though I’m doing better now, I still have my “bipolar attacks”. I become depressed and dejected all of a sudden. This happens when I look back at the past sem, the five months that has gone by. I think about it a lot. I am quite a thinker. I really wanted to go away to a place where nobody knows my name and start anew with a clean slate. I got all I wanted. I lived independently. I had the privilege to start going to a Christian Church. But I know in the back of my mind that I screwed things up with wrong decisions. I’ve been making all the wrong decisions. Everything seemed perfect but I just had to be immature and make a mess out of the blessings I have.

I know I’ve hurt and stepped on a lot of feelings. I’ve been offensive with my words. I’ve been uncontrollable with my sharp tongue. I want to apologize to my victims, victims of my insensitivity.

I know I haven’t been the best student I can be this sem. I’ve absorbed all the bad vices dorm life can offer. I placed my academics next to my social life in my priority list. To my parents, I’m sorry if I seemed to just consider your efforts to send me to college a game to play and fool around with.

I know I’ve been displeasing my Father. I conform to the world and stray away from the Narrow Road intentionally. I am most unworthy of Your grace God.

I regret all the wrong decisions I’ve made. I hope it’s not too late to start making the wrong things right. Now that the sem has ended, I’ll put the erroneous past behind and look forward to what’s ahead- new semester, new classes, new classmates and well, not necessarily a new me but a better me.

I’ll be the same Charisse, minus the crooked personality. Cheer oh for meeeeh.

This Is How A College Girl Rants

2008-10-18T03:38:00.006+08:00

[I just want to rant. I seldom rant in my blog..so here it goes.]

Oh jeez. I can't really believe it. The first semester of my college life is officially over. Everyone's home already in my dorm. No one's around here except me and a few "problematic" kids and the upperclassmen.

I am completely heartbroken and emotionally torn apart. [How pathetic. I sound so emo-ish] I'm supposed to be ecstatic that I've survived my first sem in UP but I feel the exact opposite. I've been emotionally unstable lately. One day I'm humming "Perfect Day" and the next day, I'm singing the most depressing song ever written in history. Maybe its because of my growing and ehem, maturing hormones. Or maybe because I have a slight tendency to become bipolar. No, I aint joking. Seriously. My crehazy friends and I even dubbed ourselves as "Mga Iskolar na Bipolar".

So right at this moment, I am in the lobby of our empty dorm at 3 am in the morning, depressed and in an unexplainable mood all over again. The aura of the dorm, with boxes and storage containers containing valuable things of my fellow dormers that transformed this dorm into our second home, line the corridors. Its a very depressing thing to look at. Especially when I pass by empty rooms with cleared out closets and clutter-free books.

Why am I even still here in my dorm and not at home? Blame it all to CWTS. I still have to finish our project proposal. I could have finnished it a long long time ago, but my procastination habit just starts kicking in. But I'm done with our project proposal. I've peppered it with looove.

[Okay, i just looked outside our dorm (our doors are glass,btw) and I saw this cat roaming around. Its getting freaky here. I've heard a lot of *stories* about our dorm but I've never believed them.Jeez, I dont know what to say right now.]

The truth of the matter dearest readers is, I am ultimately depressed right now because *drum roll* I don't want to go home yet. I just want to stay here, seriously. The reasons? Well, I'll keep it to myself. The only thing I want to go home to Bacolod is that I'll get to see my parents, my best friends and my 2 sisters who are also coming home from UP-Diliman.

So yeah. Thats it. I'm going home tomorrow and I don't even know what time I'll leave. My upperclassmen are inviting me to come them [they're going to Bacolod too for the Maskara Festival] but I'm not quite sure if I will. I want to travel alone. I want to travel with myself and my gigantic red luggage. Yes. Its the perfect way to reminisce and think about things. There are a looooot of things to think about. You have no freaking idea what has been happening with myself and my life here. It has been a rollercoaster. And not just a rollercoaster.. A MEGA rollercoaster. I would be flat as a pancake right now if my Father God had'nt rescued me with Divine Intervention.

Jeez, I am having verbal diarrhea right now. I seriously have to get some sleep now. But before I do, lemme show you how my room has been like in the past few days. [And Kuya Eug, you're right. I will post pictures of my room here. HAHA]

WHAT A MESS. Anyhoo, I'll be in Bacolod in less than 24 hours. Ciao.

Oh Hello Hellweek!

2008-10-03T19:48:00.004+08:00

I'll be gone for a few weeks. Need to give my brain cells a break. Ciao! :)

Showing Off

2008-10-03T18:46:00.005+08:00

I'm currently having scattered brains right now due to my upcoming first ever hellweek in college. It's gonna be one heck of a series of sleepless nights. Gosh, I am having a reality check right now. I am in UP. UP! I just can't sleep away my exams. I'm constantly imaginary slapping my face every time I find myself snoozing the day again in my dorm. Seriously. Things aren't that glamorous when you are completely in control of your actions. There were times whe I feel really disappointed of myself because of my growing college vices. Have I told you that I think I'm failing my Soc Sci 10 subject? Like OMG. Unacceptable right? Oh well. I am discplining myself at the moment.

For the meantime, let me show off my so-called work of art [that is what my prof. is calling it] for my Soc Sci 2 third exam. It was uber fun doing the photoshoot. I didn't have anything at hand. Only my osbsolete Sony digicam. But with my resourcefulness and a bunch of game-for-anything friends, I was able to pull this off. :)

We were supposed to create a work of art based on a theory of any philospher we've studied in class. I chose Hobbes' State Of Nature. I interpreted it through my own version of the disney sugarcoated Snow White.

Thanks Naira and Chuchay. :*

Open Letter

2008-09-14T16:00:00.004+08:00

Dear loves,

I know I’ve been mum for quite a while. If we were on a long-distance relationship, we could have ended our relationship a long long time ago with my lack of updates and communication with you. For this, I am deeply sorry. I sure do miss you.

Blame it to my busy schedule and my lazy, sluggish attitude. Not to mention my lack of interest to blog. I guess I was just experiencing the occasional blogger’s block. There are a loooooot of things to talk and dish about. But perhaps, I just can’t seem to put them into words. Some things are better left unwritten. But here I am in front of my PC, untangling this big block of thoughts in my mind, ready to be shared to the rest of the world.

You know what? Sometimes I question why I take the care and time to spend a good one hour typing down anything and everything about life and what this brain of mine could come up and publish it to the world wide web. I am not quite sure of what to answer to my question. I guess it’s simply because of the mere fact that somehow, sometime, the “little pearls of wisdom” I gather as I walk through the road of life that I share here could be meaningful to somebody who serendipitously stumbles upon my little blog. Well, it’s not as if I post here things like “how to have world peace” or “ways to be happy in life”. I know I am just a Filipino small town girl, but I believe I am a Filipino small town girl with a lot of stories to tell.
So here I am, telling my stories. Maybe this is the purpose of my blogging. Don’t you think?

Anyway, in the past few weeks I’ve been gone, I have gathered a good amount of little pearls of wisdom. I’m beyond excited to share them with you. Hold on tight because I feel like word vomit is coming your way.

I know you missed me,
Charisse

I Tell All (Part 2)

2008-09-12T09:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I had a homecoming with my high school friends. I haven’t seen them since I left four months ago. It was a pleasant feeling being in their company all over again. But the longer I was with them, the stronger the familiar bitter feeling I haven’t felt in months came haunting me.

Nobody really knew what it meant for me to get out of Bacolod four months ago. For the people who personally knew me, they would have thought it simply meant just going to college in a different place and moving out to live independently. No. It’s far more than that. I actually wanted to get out of Bacolod for a bigger reason – I wanted to start living my life as the person who I really wanted to be.

Few people know what I truly felt towards my high school years. Yes, I dubbed high school as “the best years of my life” and now I openly admit that I made an overstatement. I take it back. Don’t get me wrong, I was genuinely happy back in the days. I cherish every moment I spent with my circle of friends. All of the laughters I shared with them were sincere. All of the cheery smiles I gave them were meaningful. Those weren’t pretensions and fakes. Let me just paradoxically say that I loved and despised high school.

I say I was happy back then, but never completely joyful. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

Without a doubt, I had a good standing in high school. For the people reading this who know me personally, I know you would agree. I was in the star section and was a constant honor student. Not to mention that I was in the school paper and the student government. Modesty aside, I was a prominent figure in school. I wasn’t just a wall flower hanging around unnoticed. I was a social butterfly with a name other students knew.

But despite these, I wasn’t completely happy. There was an underlying dislike towards my high school years. It just had to happen. Stereotyping. I guess it’s a natural phenomenon in a place like a high school jam-packed with juvenile teenagers. People fit me into this some kind of a person. People label you this and that as if you’re a book in a library to be classified. The problem with stereotyping is itself. You “oversimply and standardize the image of a person” [that’s according to Encarta Dictionary]; limiting what he can do according to the label you give him.

It’s not a new thing actually. Teen movies like High School Musical have shown this kind of societal problem. In my case, I was stereotyped as a person I am not happy to be. I am more than that person. I wanted to do greater things than that person. But I can’t because people have fixed my image into that kind of girl. Consequentially, it made me insecure. I wanted to break out of my boundary and try new things, but I didn’t have the guts and courage to do so. I was trapped in an identity I was not. I developed a weak personality.

This is why I wanted really bad to move out of my home city. I want to start afresh and create an identity I truly am. This I have found in UP.
When I came to UP, I was still that stereotyped person whom isn’t my real self. I was insecure, had a weak, unstable personality and easily intimidated by people whom I thought was better than me.

I told myself that this new chapter of my life would mark the start of my personal empowerment. I had to conquer and overcome my inhibitions. I knew this was such a hard task, a challenge for myself. So I took it to my great big Father up above. I asked for a personal emancipation from insecurities and He knowingly knew what to do. He gave me even greater challenges, things I had to which I have never done before. Most of the time, I would be left awestruck about how God can answer prayers in the most surprising way. Life indeed, surrendered to Him, is full of surprises.

It is in UP that I have found total liberation from stereotyping. I once posted in my friendster shoutout that the best thing about being in UP is the fact that you can you’re your own individuality without being judged. Here, I can do things people back in high school thought I was not capable of doing so. I am empowered here in UP. No one can tell me who and what I should be because I am the master of myself.

At the moment of this writing, I am in Bacolod City. Seeing the “people of my past” reminds me of who I was. I don’t know if my high school friends notice it, but I am a stronger Charisse now. My transformation is far yet to be completed, but I have to say that gone is my weak personality. I guess they don’t have to notice it. It’s a personal change, a change within. I mean look at me not from the outside. I have layers of eyebags and I’m breaking out, but inside me is an emancipated Charisse.

You may not completely understand what I am trying to say here. I know. I’m not completely specific in details. But I have to be careful of what I say here for some people might be offended. As I looked over my high school friends, I realized that the moment we stepped out of high school, we began living out different new lives. Then I thought of my new circle of friends in UP and generally my new life there.

Then it just sunk in. I am happier now. I’m happier in UP.
You know why? Because in UP, I can be whoever I wanted to be.

I Tell All (Part 1)

2008-07-18T21:43:00.005+08:00

I'm going to blog a series of I Tell All posts about the real score of my UP life. For the sakes of updates for my loves back at home. This is the first part. I tell all about the culture shock and the new strange things I observed here in UP.

After spending 5 weeks of my life[the looongest five weeks of my life that is] inside the boundaries of the University of the Philippines, I can pretty much say I can give myself a good pat on the back. Having experienced the UP life myself, I'm darn happy I am surviving it. In this world of "radical" [as my former classmate would describe] people who exercise their freedom to the highest extent without any inhibitions, it is safe to say that getting your way around UP is not as easy as 1-2-3.

Although I haven't seen them all, I say I have seen enough. I've seen firsthand activists doing their thing, rallying on the streets carrying their banners that scream out rebellion and defiance. I've been to those college parties where dirty dancing and drinking is the highlight of the night, parties I would only see in shows like Gossip Girl. I've been to initiations where your'e interrogated of every word you say, as if you were the most wanted suspect in the world. I've met infamous people I wished I've never met before. I've learned a different kind of knowledge that somehow robbed me of my innocence. I've seen the typical college way of living here in UP. I've seen the other side of the world.

Coming from a safety zone, that is my Catholic high school, experiencing all these left me awestruck. This is surely a thousand times different from high school. High school is so pa twee tums. It's so petty. It is pathetic. High school sugarcoats reality that when a person is finally relieved of its pettiness and gets to college, he is immediately shocked by the real and actuaI bittersweetness of life. True enough, I've shed my coat of sugar and am in the process of finding my real flavor. Wala na 'yung pa twee tums na Charisse. She's dead and deader already. I'm tougher now.

Being here in UP is being in a better place. A much better place. In fact, the life I live now is exactly what I always wanted to have.I once read the blog of my bestfriend Nadine ranting about how her mom treats her like a kindergarten kid even now that she's in college. Her mom would bring her to school every day and strictly wait for her after classes in order to securely bring her home. I really feel bad for her. I mean here I am, having all the freedom I could get. Just imagine, I am all alone in this unfamiliar place, free to do anything and everything I want not having my parents around. I make my own decisions which means I can carefreely sleep at 3am everyday and skip meals anytime I want to. And the best part is, I have my own moolah [translation: cold hard cash]. Now isn't that the ideal college life?

As I recall the five looong weeks that passed me by, I've realized that I am gradually absorbing the UP way of life. I dunno.. but I feel like I've officially become a kolehiyala living the laidback, presko kind of lifestyle. My bedtime just got a little bit earlier, I go to school sometimes without taking a shower, I get drunk with coffee, and I made jeans my staple attire.

But mind you, besides living the presko way, I've dumped my high school tactics of getting involved for the sakes of attention and became a little bit more contemplative when it comes to academics and responsibilities. I do my own homework [without ANY help from others], copy my own notes, and find resources needed for class at my own expense. I simply just stopped relying and depending on other people to get what I want. I'm learning to do things on my own. There isn't a Luigi Caler here in UP whom is so selfless when it comes to things like this. [wink wink]

People here are sooo competitive that even just asking to try to take a peak at their notebook seems like a crime. Well, who can blame them? The bests of all high schools around the country are gathered here in UP. We are one big flock of the smarter class [this is what you call bragging rights as a UP student]. We are the cream of the crop here so all must come up with their own strategies to stand out from this excellent crowd. I've met a lot of people with crab mentality here in UP [wink wink] .

Simply put, all I am trying to tell here is that I am in the perfect place at the perfect time. I am in the stage of my life where I'm having euphoria. Yeah beybeh.

The Dark Ages

2008-06-29T19:49:00.005+08:00

This is my first taste of the internet after a gazillion years! My life here in UP just seems to explode [is that the right term?] as days go by. Just a quick recap:

The ever-friendly Typhoon Frank hit Iloilo as we all know. It's such a blessing that UP is located in Miagao. Minimal damage and flood happened. BUT and that is a big big BUT.. Miagao experienced a total black-out for 1 whole week. Imagine that?? Freakin' 7 days without electricity? The water supply was also trying to play games with us. There were days when we woke up and found nothing flowing out of the showers. We had to make igib in the nearby houses inside the UP campus in order to take a bath.

We had no classes for 1 straight week primarily because there obviously wasn't electricty in our college buildings and also because our professors were simply tinatamad to have classes because they were caught up with the post-typhoon Frank damages. Oh well, it was all good news to me! LOL.

[Okay..im starting to become a boring blogger. Maybe I need to rejuvenate my brain cells after 1 week of dormancy.Haha!]

Anyhoo, living in the dark ages was a whole new experience. It was the longest time ever in my whole life wherein I lived without electricity. Back in Bacolod, I would go nuts whenevr black outs happen. But here, I learned to accept the situation and be joyful about it. I mean, there I was, sleeping in a comfy bed, under a descent roof while the victims of FRANKenstein had no potable water and food. I was blessed.Really really blessed.

The dark ages taught me learnings I wouldn't learn if there was electricity around. I know, it may sound funny and exag, but it's true. When it's dark and boring and you're running out of things to do, you realize a lot of things you wouldn't normally realize when you have the comforts of electricity.

I didn't merely learn how to cherish every drop of water, value electricity [these things are obviously to be learned even if its not the dark ages], how to play cards and take a bath in the poso but more specifically, I learned to appreciate life's little things.

Back in the dorm, the dormers wouldn't usually go out and socialize when electricity was around. We usually stayed in our rooms. But during the dark ages, we slowly came out of our shells and met new people, people whom we're gonna live with for the next 10 months of our lives.

I learned to just have fun whatever circumstance life gives me. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! I realized that I don't have to have techie stuff, computer games, etc. to truly be blissful. Just the company of NFF's [new found friends] and the attitude to say no to boredom are enough.

But although I was like a frog dancing in the rain during the dark ages, negativity will always find its way. I dunno.. during the dark ages, I felt a certain feeling of homesickness. Like I was happy and sad all at the same time. It's weird but I know its perfectly normal [i hope so]. I mean, even though It's fun here in UP, I can't help but miss the good ol' times.

But yeah, electricity is back and there's school tomorrow. The fun times are over. It's time to snap back to reality.

I'm going overboard now, I know. I'm having word vomit! Haha!That's it, pansit! ^_^

What A Start!

2008-06-14T19:49:00.000+08:00

How did my first week as a college freshie went? Pretty cool I must say. My social skills were really put to test. But I must say that it is such a blessing from God that I am staying in Balay Lampirong. It's just the first week of my stay here and I feel like I've found a family. I can't also fail to tell you that 2 of my roomies are Christians! I know that they will serve as instruments to help me stay in the narrow road.

I also believe it is about time for me to excersie my bragging rights here in my blog. Last Tuesday was the grand opening of UP here in the Visayas. It was a grand opening, I must emphasize. The University Chancellor, Vice-Chancellors and all the deans were present. Plus, big time alumni were also around. The opening was attended by all freshies and most upperclass men. To top it all off, an alumnus of Up who happens to be the national vice-president of San Miguel Corporation was the guest speaker. She was sitting beside moi!

It is my pleasure to tell you that I was chosen to give a response in behalf of the freshmen. Can you just imagine it? We are hundreds and I was chosen to give a speech? I must credit it all to God's grace. :)

The screening process included the writing of our respective speeches. Out of more or less 15 chosen freshies the top 4 were selected and were asked to UP last June 5 to deliver their speeches. I was one of them! So there, because God is so merciful, I was chosen to be the one to give the freshmen's response.

All I have to say to my experience of speaking infront of hundred of "Iskolars ng Bayan" is that it was... unexplainable. I was as cold as ice as I waited for my turn to speak. I had lots of experiences of delivering speeches infront of hundreds of people. But that moment was a whole lot different. I was to address to a sea of unfamiliar faces.. and a sea of unfamiliar faces which happen to be UP students.

But I survived that heart-pounding moment..all credit to Him of course. After I delivered my speech, the alumnus who was the VIP special guest congratulated me. I was flattered. Haha!

So here.. I am uber proud to expose my speechto the world wide web. Keep reading!

To our Chancellor, Dr. Glenn D. Aguilar, to the vice-chancellors, deans, faculty and staff of the University of the Philippines-Visayas, and to my fellow students, good morning.

Since I was in kindergarten up until I graduated in high school, I studied in the same Catholic school in my hometown, Bacolod City. Student life was easy, convenient and trouble-free for me. My alma mater was only five minutes away from home. Because I’ve been in the same school for almost 13 years, I have found second parents in my teachers and have made friendships that have stood the test of time.

As I walk down memory lane, I can’t help but realize how different the yesterday is to today. Now, I am in a whole new university which is a hundred miles from home and I am surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Change really is inevitable. It is the only certain thing in this world. Seeds don’t stay as what they are for all time. They propagate into trees. Caterpillars can’t be caterpillars forever. They metamorphose into butterflies. Babies don’t remain as babies for eternity. Babies grow up into adults. Likewise, to my fellow freshmen, we can’t be carefree high school students forever. We have to change, to mature and to take things more seriously as we become college students.

We consider our high school years as the best years of our lives but it is a fact that high school is already history. Gone are the days when we can harmlessly copy assignments, be absent in school and fail that math subject. We aren’t kids anymore. If life was a computer game, we have already upgraded and received that level-up. We are now young adults with greater responsibilities and a higher educational pursuit to carry out.

Unlike high school, college is the stepping stone into attaining our life goals and dreams. The journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step as the popular saying goes. We are blessed and privileged to be taking that step in a premier educational institution like University of the Philippines- Visayas. Studying in UPV is like being the cream of the crop because excellence is the top priority. Being called an “Iskolar ng Bayan” truly is rewarding. The journey to a thousand miles will be tough and challenging for us, but we must be confident because we will be having quality education as our foundation.

As we take that stepping stone in UPV, let us prepare ourselves for inevitable changes that are knocking on our doorsteps. Being away from home, embracing a new lifestyle of independence, encountering a variety of personalities and undertaking a whole new academic pursuit are only a handful of the changes that lie ahead of us. But like seeds that become sturdy trees, caterpillars that metamorphose into beautiful butterflies and babies that grow into wiser beings, we too shall change into better individuals. Change exists so that we can continually correct and better ourselves into the persons we were meant to be. Let us be whoever we were meant to be!

The third chapet of the Book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible speaks that there is a time for everything. There is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to embrace and a time to refrain. Today is our first day as college students. Our time has come. Let us work harder now and play later. It is the time to step out of our comfort zones and to think outside the box. Let’s make no room for mediocrity and push ourselves to the limit. Let us not be vulnerable to our weaknesses as college students because terror professors and grueling subjects await us. But let us also remember that despite the challenging times, life’s biggest surprises are in store for us.

So in behalf of the freshmen batch 2008, I would like to extend our gratitude to the Office of Student Affairs and to our ate’s and kuya’s for being accommodating in welcoming us to UPV. From the freshmen orientation to our enrollment, your presence has been very helpful to us.

And to my fellow freshmen, let’s make the most of our college days and make it worth remembering. Remember, life begins at college! It is the time for us to step out of the comforts of our cocoons and spreadour wings to fly on a wider horizon. We are among the “centennial batch” of the University of the Philippines. Let us live on the centennial legacy.

Mabuhay po tayo mga iskolar ng bayan!

So This Is The Feeling..

2008-06-09T13:55:00.008+08:00

After 3 days of packing and a lot of emotional rollercoaster rides, here i am! I've already settled my things in my room in the dorm and I've even spent the night there. Last night was my first night being alone here in UP Visayas and I do feel like a grown up. Haha! I'm still adjusting to this whole new thing that's laid before my eyes. Somehow, everything hasn't sunk in yet. I'm still floating in this reality.

I still can't believe that I'm independently living my life right now. I'm out of our house and all my household chore duties are over. Sigh.. It's all good.

When I arrived yesterday, one of my three roomies was already settled in. I am so blessed because she's a Christian. I prayed that I'd find a friend who'll help me grow as a Christian and serve as a spiritual back-up. And yeah, God really answers prayers. We've been talking about our Christian walk, our high school and basically, things on life and so far, I'm learning from her.

My social skills will really put to the test now that I am in College. A few minutes ago, another roomie just checked in and I can see the personalities of my roomies are very different and distinct. I'm surtely going to meet a variety of personalities here.

Tomorrow will be our Opening Excerises and I am going to do something big. It's pretty funny though. It's just the first day of school and I am already blessed by this opportunity. I'll tell ya about it in the coming days. :)

It's my first time to transfer schools [since nursery, I've been in the same school]. Usually, my first day of school is meeting the same faces, hugging the same people. But tomorrow will be a whole lot different. It gives me the heebies-jeebies just thinking about it. But I see college as an adventure. I'm so darn excited!

[Above are snappies of my desk and my closet. I don't have Adobe Photoshop with me so I can't really enhance these photos.So I guess in the coming days, my photos will be pretty much unedited]

Tic Toc Tic Toc

2008-06-05T11:22:00.003+08:00

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

As the youngest member of our family, I've seen all my elder sisters grow up and move out for college. Everytime somebody leaves the door, and my companions in our room are lessened until I was left with myself, a tear would never fail to roll down on my cheeks.

And now, my time has come. It is finally my turn to clean out my closet, pack my belongings, say goodbye to my bed and move out to college.

I started packing my luggage 3 days ago. I dont know.. But I just tend to get emotional when it comes to leaving and saying goodbye.

But i guess, this is it. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll sleep in a new bed, do homework on a different desk and store my clothes in a different closet.

Goodbye Bacolod. :)

High School 101

2008-06-05T11:11:00.006+08:00

High school life oh high school life.

I used to say that my high school years were the best years of my life. I was free-spirited, young, carefree and ready to discover more out of life. It was all about living and enjoying the moment - finding and losing friends, experimenting with boys, getting high on infatuation, getting busy with my social life and basically taking classroom matters for granted.

High school is purely fun and nothing serious. You can do stupid things in high school and just laugh and get away with it. High school is the area of life where we become silly and pointless, in order to “find ourselves”.

This is totally true. Not long ago, I was a high school student. I was immature and lacking good sense but I had fun all along. At the end of those four years of being silly, I am a change person, with wisdom and a whole new understanding of everything, just everything.

So now here I am. Out of high school and sure is happy that I am out of it. High school years were happy and good times, but now I opt for happier and better times.

After experiencing high school, I want to help the kids who are about to enter it and those who are already in it. I’m not an expert at this, but I sure do know how to make my way around high school. So read on fellas

FRESHMEN

Being fresh from a world of innocent crushes, jackstone and effortless lessons, it’s normal that you’ll be lost in a world that is a hundred times different from where you’ve been. As freshies, you are off to a clean slate. You’ll have to decide on who you want to be in high school. The statement “be yourself” is so cliché. You can be whoever you want to be in high school. If you portray someone you are not, its okay. The real you will eventually come out along the years. Don’t play it safe honey. Be risky. Do some experiments with yourself.

One of the most crucial things you’ll have to do is to be with the right people. Choose the right kind of friends. But again, it’s normal that in your first year, you’ll be in the wrong crowd. Just don’t be in the wrong crowd for too long.
Another crucial thing you’ll have to remember is to avoid being a wallflower! Don’t be just another face in the crowd. Start making a name of your own. Be active and show off what you got. If you’re good in public speaking, volunteer in class to recite. If you’re athletic, join the varsity. If you have a knack for writing, audition for the school paper.
Prepare yourselves for a bumpy ride ahead. You can’t imagine how many things can happen in just four years.

SOPHOMORES

My sophomore year in high school was kinda ordinary. But it was during that year that I did one of the craziest things in my life.. a memory that is permanently stamped in my head. In your second year, lessons are normally undemanding and you’ve probably have found the friends you’ll spend high school with for the next three years. Things will settle down in your sophomore year.

If it is destined for you to happen, then probably something crazy will happen to you too. When that moment comes, grab the opportunity and enjoy it while it lasts.

JUNIORS

Ah, yes. Junior year is Prom year. There are a lot of things to look forward to as a junior. You’ll probably fall in love and get your hearts broken, get closer to your friends, have sleepless nights because of school projects and encounter challenges that will test how you see yourself. Well, it all depends on the person and how he spent that past 2 high school years. But personally, those were some of the many surprises I’ve met.

It’s obvious that you’ll mature and become full-grown teenagers in junior year. You’ll become conscious of your looks and get frustrated by the changes in yourself because of the ever-unpredictable hormones. By now, you have partially “found yourselves” but is still quite confused if you are who you are.

Basta things will get complicated. You’ll have some personal struggles.

SENIORS

Senior year is the cream of the crop. So many twists and turns will happen in senior year that will test how much you’ve grown and learned about life and about yourself during the past 3 years. Most of the time, you’ll find yourself failing and realizing that there is still much to learn. But hey, one year is long enough to fully “find yourselves”.

You and your friends will become like a family in your senior year. After 3 years of being silly together, you are now like brothers and sisters. As your farewell year, you’ll learn the value of not wasting a day and making every moment count. Since you’re graduating, you’ll have to hit the books more often. But also, it is during your senior year where you become restless and want something more out of life. As seniors you’ll have frequent rewinds of the times when you were still freshmen, memories of the days that had gone by.

Basically, you will all become emotional.
But trust me; senior year will be the best year of your lives [as a teenagers].

Now, aren’t you just excited?

Is Anybody Here?

2008-05-30T18:36:00.000+08:00

Yes, my dear earthlings. Somebody is still here. I’ve been gone for quite a while. I’ve been both busy and lazy [hey, is that possible?] . So let’s just say I have been busy being lazy.

In case you haven’t noticed, our favorite sun-soaked season is over. What have you done over the cut short summer? [So many people went abroad I have to tell you. Why is everyone going abroad?!] As for moi, a few jaunts to the beach, cross-island trips, hollywood movie marathons and lots of lots of zzz’s summarize my summer. Wow. What a fun-filled summer I had huh? :)

I forget to tell you all that I am officially enrolled in UP-Visayas! My trip back to Iloilo was less troublesome as my earlier trip. This time, I made sure that I had sufficient clothes and moolah at hand and that the needed papers are carefully tuck in my file case.

But trouble will really get its way, don’t you think?

My dorm slot was endangered of being cancelled because of my late passage of the dorm application papers [d’oh? I was dumber than dumber about my documents]. But God indeed is stronger than any forces of evil out there that are trying to spill misfortune on me!

Here’s what happened:
The dorm manager decided to meet the late applicants on May 20. It was our very last chance. She wanted to communicate with us through SMS BUT her battery went dead. At that time, it was storming in Miagao [Bagyong Cosme] so there was a black out all over the province.

Black out = no electricity = can’t charge= can’t inform the late applicants = cancellation of dorm slot

But hurrah! Before her battery died, she was able to text and inform me! So there you go, I am now officially a dormer. I don’t if it was just coincidental. But I sure don’t believe in coincidences. I call it life’s little miracles. Thanks a lot Father God! If I hadn’t been accepted in the dorm, I would probably be sleeping in the streets [or forced by my mother to study here in Bacolod instead].

Everything is really exciting and scary at the same time. I’ll tell you all my college freshman jitters in another time. I don’t wanna bore you right now with my personal stories you can’t somehow relate. [ Boring blogs are.. boring. Duhness. Hehe.]

I hope you do get to realize too that miracles don’t have to be like the dead rose back to life, or Pres. GMA admitted to the ZTE scandal, or your baby fats finally disappeared. Miracles don’t have to be big stuff. Look around you. Miracles can be found in the details of life.

A Daughter Talks Back

2008-05-09T14:58:00.006+08:00

[WARNING: Wordy thoughts ahead. But do take time to read them. :* ]

There will always be that one person in your life you just can’t seem to get along with. Whether it may be small or big things, the two of you just simply can’t achieve harmony. When you have a flashback of all the moments in time you’ve been together, arguments, wrangles and simply conflicts between the two of you noticeably dominate.

Perhaps that’s just the way it is. The two of you are parallel to each other. You are black and he is white. You like it sweet, while he prefers it bitter. You go for east and in opposition, he moves to the west.

Well in my case, it has to be my mother.

We have a bittersweet relationship. It’s pretty normal for moms and daughters to argue about stuff. At one point, I stopped wondering why we are like this, like cats and dogs. I thought that it’s probably just the natural law of nature.

I know that I am not alone. Millions of teenagers out there go through the same situation very similar to mine. Don’t you just wonder why this is the case? Mothers and daughters are meant to be like best friends. But why, in our present generation, daughters [including me] are drifting farther and farther away from their moms?

This post is an attempt to speak and voice out my point of view in this matter in behalf of the teenage population world wide experiencing the same thing. This is only one side of the issue—the side of the teenagers. I hope that when moms get to read my story, it will shed light to them and get them to understand more the sentiments of their teenage daughters.

So let me tell you why my mother and I just can’t be the best of friends.

PROBLEM # 1: First of all, my mother is a verbal kind of person. She is so loud, I gotta tell you! I even dubbed her before as the “Queen of Mouths”. There was never a day in my life that ended without her screaming at the top of her lungs, nagging and badgering about the smallest, simplest things. The worst part is, the things that come out of her mouth are just.. [sigh] you know what I mean. She deals with things in an earsplitting way.

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Personally, I am fed up with all the loud and negative vibrations that come out of her. This is one of the major reasons why we don’t click at all. Teenagers are stubborn and hard-headed. When mom’s address matters to us while shouting and screaming like we don’t have a pair of ears, it won’t do any help at all. It will only annoy us.

WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: I believe that if mom talked over problems in a calmer, more modest way, then our mother-daughter relationship is so much better. It would make me realize that she really cared about my welfare and not only cared of getting mad at me. Taking things in a peaceful way and talking to us like young adults, not deaf people, would show that you respect us as individuals.

PROBLEM # 2: My mother isn’t much of an expressive kind of person. She doesn’t show much emotions. I can especially see this trait of hers during special occasions like birthdays or Valentine’s Day. She does not like showing affection like saying “I love you” or some sort. For her, things in the family are so casual that she feels like greeting us [my sisters and I] when it is our birthday isn’t needed at all. Whenever we have achievements or success, she doesn’t evidently show that she’s proud or happy for us. Well I know that deep inside she is, but she refuses to show it on her face or gestures.

The thing with my mom is, her language of love is through gifts. She prefers showing affection through material things.

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Don’t get me wrong. I love getting material gifts from Mama. But as a teenager, I also need attention and love which is “hands-on”. It’s very painful to feel when your mother doesn’t greet you a simple happy birthday on your birthday, or she doesn’t show appreciation for your accomplishments.

WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: I hope that Mama wouldn’t take things so casually and informally. It is true that we can be casual because we are family but not to the point of being unconcerned about our emotional needs. As simple as it may be, birthday greetings, I love you’s and appreciations from our parents really please us.

It would also mean sooo much for us when our parents could come to special days of our lives like graduation and days of competition. FYI, one of the top reasons why teenagers go on rebellion is because of lack of care ad affection.

PROBLEM # 3: What really annoys me is the fact that my mother doesn’t seem to understand that I am a teenager, and teenagers want to have fun. Modesty aside, I am not the kind of mediocre student in school. I work my butt off to get high, excellent grades and participate in as much school activities as possible. I study hard. All I ask is to have fun, harmless Saturdays with my friends and watch movie or “chill” for a while.. have a break from books. But NO. My parents, especially my mom, want me to stay at home over the weekends and do the household chores instead!

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Hello? I spend five days of the week waking up early and sitting in class all day and my mom expects me to be like a housemaid on weekends! This is torture for us teenagers. We have social lives, if you may ask. It really is heartbreaking for us when are not allowed to go to trips, sleepovers or excursions when everyone else is going. Being there means A LOT for us. For teenagers, we would be like missing one half of our lives. We’re young adults. We’re old enough to take care of ourselves. Besides, we’re not that stupid to get ourselves in trouble. Believe me, we love ourselves too much.

WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: Parents, you were once teenagers yourselves and I bet you know the very thing we are feeling. We are adventure-lovers and we want to make the most of our teenhood. We become teenagers only once in our lives. Letting us go out for a while not only shows you want us to have fun, but also is a sign that you trust us. I’m sure that being young adults, we know how valuable trust is so we wouldn’t do dumb things to ruin it.

I hope that through my story and opinions, you would get something helpful and useful to straighten out your relationship with your parents.

As for me, I don't know when we'll stop being cats and dogs. I'll have to give double efforts.

Have a special Mother’s Day!

The Video That Always Makes Me Cry

2008-05-01T19:38:00.002+08:00

The title says it all. Watch the video to find out why. Wait for the video to fully load so that there won't be any interruption. Remember, patience will take you a long long way my dear. [This is pretty much all I have to say for now. I'm busy trying to be busy with summer. We're half way through our all-time favorite season. I ain't wastin' anymore of it!]

Metal Is In!

2008-04-25T17:58:00.003+08:00

After many serious, nose-bleeding posts, let’s have a break shall we? It’s not advisable to drown readers with super wordy writings in a blog so today is a good day.. I’m gonna take a look at the brighter side of things.

I’m gonna give you some insights about a very very interesting topic: BRACES.

So for the past 2 months, I’ve been living with this metallic device stuck on my upper and lower teeth [ which surprisingly does not rust in my saliva! Amazing, isn’t it?]. When I was younger and braces were sooo in, I’d make my own improvised braces using aluminum foil. There was also one time when I desperately bended paper clips and tried to put them on my teeth as if they were retainers. I don’t know why but back then, I just loved those thingies on people’s teeth. Braces were status symbols back then.. so I guess at my young age, I was a coño! LOL! [Don’t know what a coño is? My goosh! How luma naman your vocabulary!]

Now that I actually have braces, I’m not as ecstatic as I am supposed to be [considering how desperate I was to have braces before]. I have braces because I have seemingly crooked, bug’s bunny teeth, not because I’m still that little coño I suppose I was before. Hahaha! I guess when you finally have that something you’ve been dying to have, you start feeling more and more less satisfied.

But hands down, having braces is a whole new experience. Here are new things I encountered that came with these new thingies on my teeth:

Every time I eat rice, I only chew half of what I swallow. The rest get stuck in-between the brackets of the braces. Some get stuck with the wire. So this meant.. less chewing! Yaay!
When I eat bread, the chewed form of it [or what we scientifically call as bolus] gets stuck again with the braces. Such a fun, disgusting thing! Believe me, you don’t want to let me smile when I eat!
I don’t normally use tooth pick after meals. But now, I keep a mirror and a toothpick handy at all times.

Having braces gave me that new distinct smile. When I smile, it has to be all out like a super smile wherein the braces really become visible. So when I pose for a picture, I resemble a shark! Arararararr! Sharkbait uhaha!
I have to cut every single thing I eat into bits and pieces because I can’t bite.
I always found my single colored teeth to be dull and lifeless. But with braces, my teeth became colorful and funkeh!

Becoming a metalmouth is something you should experience once in your life. You’ll learn valuable life lessons which you can only learn in those 2 or so years of your life spent with braces. After living with braces for barely 60 days, here are what I’ve learned:

The art of mouth opening. When these metals had to be installed on my teeth, I had to open my mouth [without support!] for a total of 4 hours! Because of that, I have mastered the art of opening my mouth. Every angle of my lips, every corner of my mouth, every twist of my tongue, I’ve learned ‘em all.
The virtue of patience. Patience really is a must for someone having braces. Just imagine lying there in your dentist’s clinic with your mouth open for four hours, without even a recess or bathroom break! More than a pound of patience was needed to survive that!
Discipline and self-control. Hard, sticky and uber sweet foods aren’t allowed for someone having braces. Now, who couldn’t resist that crispy bag of Lay’s? Or that frozen chocolate covered caramel bar? But for a metalmouth, NO is the answer for those cries of the stomach.

The only downside of these braces is its effect on the way I talk. If you know me personally, you can attest that I am a speaker. I love talking! But these braces seem to cause a disturbance when I speak. I’m kinda anxious since I’m starting College in a month and a half and my course is all about communication [Communication and Media Studies] but I’m still having those natural speech effects that come along with having braces [ you pronounce s as th].

But all in all, braces are fun! I don’t know if other bracefaces out there appreciate braces the way I do. Maybe I’m just mababaw ang kaligayahan. I guess I have to love these metals on my teeth for one simple reason: I’m stuck with ‘em for the next 24 months of my life!

Is UP Life For Me?

2008-04-21T14:04:00.009+08:00

Exactly one week ago, I went to the place I call as "Somewhere Else". I went to Ilo-Ilo with my sister Andrea who is currently taking up her bachelor's degree in the same university, UP- Visayas.

It will be a boring read for you guys if I tell here all the mishaps we've been through. So I'm going to spare you the pain and make a summary.. simply because I love you [and I dont like boring people to death!].

Okay.. I've never been into a trip as troublesome as my trip to UP-Visayas. I went there with incomplete entrance credentials to be passed to the Registrar[which was the sole purpose why we went there in the first place]. So my sister and I had to go back and forth,like a hundred times, from building to building. And take note: we had to ride a tricycle [which inconsiderately charged a pricey fare] from building to building!

And the pila was sooo long so we had to spend 2 nights in the dorm. The worse part is, we didn't have sufficient clothes with us! Believe me, I wore the same jeans for three straight days! And my sister had to sleep in her undies! Hahaha! So funny! We ended up buying boy shirts in the banwa [like a small city]. Why boy shirts? Because the female shirts they were selling were so baduy and buki [out-of-date]!

Oh, and haven't I told you that I lost my high school card [which was uber important!] while we were strolling in the streets of Miagao? Men! Good thing we traced the way we've been through and found it! My sister and I were also running out of moolah. Everything was unexpected that my sister didn't bring her ATM. But thanks to some helpful people [yes.. there are really good-hearted people left on this planet] we managed to survive.

So there, we went home to Bacolod wearing boy clothes and a pocketful of memorable misfortunes.

Most of you might think that because of all the hindrances I've met, studying in UP aint for me. You might think I'm jinxed. Well at first I think so too. Sometimes, I doubt if I made the right decision of moving to another place away from home.But I realized that hello? I survived all those obstacles! Even if a thousand barriers came my way, here I am.. still clinging to my hope of having a new life somewhere else. Surviving those hindrances makes me even more confident that it is God's will for me to study in UP. I know I must starve these doubts of mine.

I have to tell you though, life there is so different from the life I am comfortable with. But this is the time for me to receive change. Nobody said that achieving what I want will be as easy as 1 2 3. Sacrifice is a part of aiming for a higher goal.

Somewhere Else

2008-04-09T20:33:00.002+08:00

When I was on the verge of graduating and was thinking over the real life that is about to begin after high school, I promised myself that I would study in a prestigious university and leave my hometown ,Bacolod, and start over with a clean slate.

My goal was to move from Bacolod as far as possible that’s why I really really wanted to go to UP Diliman. Besides that, we all know that UP Diliman is among the greatest universities in the country. But most of the time, my plans aren’t parallel to Father God’s plans, so I ended up in UP Ilo-Ilo instead.

I wallowed for a while and eventually accepted what He has in store for me. But I have to tell you, a lot of tears were shed along that process of acceptance.

So now, one out of the two things that I promised myself is fulfilled. I’m going to an excellent school for college. This leaves me one more thing to fulfill : starting over with a clean slate as I bid goodbye to Bacolod.

You might think that I wanting to start all over is brought about by a bitter history and unpleasant memories. Well, not exactly. The truth is I am actually not quite sure of why I want it so bad to leave Bacolod City and go back to square one in a different place. I have sweet and beautiful memories here in Bacolod. This is where I first saw sunlight, learned my alphabet and 1 2 3’s, and discovered the many faces of life. The 16 years that I have lived in Bacolod had been great, wonderful years. It is in this place where I met beautiful people who later on became teachers of life’s hardest lessons, and where I became brave enough to make my own identity. Yet, why do I want to leave the place where I grew up?.. The place where I took my first breath?

After much thinking, I’ve realized important matters about my life here in Bacolod. I enjoyed living here and being with its people during those 16 years, but somehow, as days pass by, I am starting to get choked. I can’t fully explain it. This place and these people seem to become hostile to me. The beautiful people I’ve met who taught me life’s hardest lessons seem to have become the ones who make my life hard. This place where I became brave seems to turn me back into a coward.

Yes, I enjoyed and loved the people and this place during those 16 years which I lived in Bacolod. But it is not a matter of the past. It is a matter of the present. And at present, I am not enjoying and loving life in Bacolod as I did in the yesterdays. I’m not making sweet memories anymore, only bitter ones. I think this place is getting smaller and smaller and I am being caught in the middle. The people here are becoming more and more like the kind of people I just can’t seem to bear with.

I am starting to believe that I am not meant to be here, to be in Bacolod. My life is not meant to be spent in this place. I’m starting to think that most [but not all] of the people I allowed to walk through my life are simply going to pass by like a wind without even leaving a mark.

The truth is, I am not happy anymore. I can’t seem to find sincere happiness here in Bacolod and its people. There is just something I can’t seem to find in this place. As my real life is only beginning, I am going to find that something that is missing somewhere else..

Yes, maybe somewhere ese, I might find it.

Little Did I know

2008-03-29T18:17:00.013+08:00

Four years ago, I took my first step into the life of high school. Little did I know the little and big things in store for me. Little did I know how amazing, beautiful and amusing people I'd meet. Little did I know the easy and demanding lessons I'd learn. Little did I know I'd learn the hard way. Little did I know how much I'd grow and let go. Little did I know the new, strange emotions I'd feel.Little did I know I'd make many many wonderful memories, memories I'd still laugh about even when my hair is grey. Little did I know that in high school, I'd experience the best times of my life.

Now, four years later, I take my final step, marking the end of these carefree days. The rollercoaster is over and done. Every spin, twirl, thrill and smooth-sailings were fun, but I'm ready to put a period on this story.

I am going to start a new one.. going to embark on a different kind of ride.

To my high school friends, its been pleasurable spending every single day with you. Your presence made the ride worthwhile.

To my high school teachers, those four years of classroom lectures are like my educational savings box. I'm sure they will be put to good use in College.

To Mama and Papa, living alone with you was a whole new experience, an experiencethat definitely brought me closer to you. Despite your sterness and KJ-ness, you are cool parents after all. Labyu.

To my alma mater, you are my second home. I spent 13 years of my life in your four corners and I'd have to say, those 13 years were incredible. I learned, loved and lived with you.

To my Father God, everything, every single thing, I owe it all to You. Through this rollercoaster ride, I'd look beside me and always found You there.

Thanks ya'll. Mwah mwah mwah! [sus, drama. LOL]

A Story

2008-03-22T19:35:00.005+08:00

Last month, I went to a retreat together with my classmates [I've mentioned it in my past posts] . In the dining hall of our retreat house, there was a framed portrait in which a story was printed. Some force somehow pulled my eyes to read what was printed on it. Thanks a lot to that force! What I read was surely an enlightenment to what I was feeling at that moment. I was still upset about not going to UP Diliman at that time, and I went to retreat with a heavy heart.
But that framed square-shaped portrait was a blessing. Perhaps, God's way of reminding me of His will and plan for me. He really moves in mysterious ways! Imagine? He used that plain portrait to talk to me. It just shows that even the littlest things, or what we consider the most unimportant people, can be used by God as instruments. [the picture on your right is the actual portrait. :)]

Here is the actual story printed on it. Read and be blessed just as I was blessed. :]
[its the long version though, but trust me, its worth the read.]

Three Trees

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up.The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!" The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it's way to the ocean."I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings.I'll be the strongest ship in the world!" The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town."I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."

Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain.The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said,
"This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me."With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell. Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest,I shall hold wonderful treasure!" The first tree said.
The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree fell."Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!"

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me."He muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals.The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.

The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead, the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she was taken to a little lake.

The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God..."Many many days and night passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams.

But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox."I wish I could make a cradle for him." her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. "This manger is beautiful" she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat.The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake.Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through with the wind and the rain.The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beamwas yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel.

But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembledwith joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

So next time you feel down because you didn't get what you wanted, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you ....

Have a blessed Easter!

I'm over it!

2008-03-19T08:32:00.008+08:00

Yaaaay! I am over my appearing and disappearing act. I am.. freakin' officiallly back! Yeah, beybeh! *applause applause*

Now that I am back there are sooo many things in line for me to blab about. But since I dont wanna bore my readers, I made up my mind that I'll just save them for the later days when I desperately don't have a topic to blog about. Hey, I'm not the kind of blogger who whines and rants about how cruel life is. I'm a cool blogger. [wuuut? LOL]

I bet I sound very hyper today. I dont know, but I am. Maybe because I just ate corn flakes or something.. Or maybe, it's because I am now wearing in my mouth [and for the next 2 years].. BRACES! [No, no. I wont post a picture of my braces here. Since I had 'em on, I haven't had a decent, cute picture. My smile looks awful! >:c ]

Yes, lads and gents, I am now a BRACEFACE, a METALMOUTH, a BETTY LA FEA [especially when I wear glasses] , whatever you look call it. It's a whole new experience for me, and so far.. ahmm.. I'm definitely experiencing the downside of it. I haven't eaten real food for the past four days and I keep on showering saliva when I speak, but as I've said, It is a whooole new experience. I'm starting college in two months and I don't mind having that new look. :)

And speaking of college, I just want to tell you that I am so ready for it! Im graduating this 26th of March. The sadness and reluctance to leave high school is over. I'm ready to leave high school, but not that enthusiastic to leave the people. I'll miss surely miss 'em but Im looking forward to meeting new folks in UP Visayas.

Oh? Haven't I told you guys about my college school? Well, Yeah.. I am going to UP Visayas particularly in Miag-ao. I know, I know. I really wanted to go to Diliman but God has other plans for moi. I cried about it of course but acceptance spells peace. It's still UP right? And besides, Im going to make sunog my kilay so that I'll get enough grades to transfer to Diliman when Im on my second year. :D As of now, I will be enjoying the serenity in UP Miag-ao since it's situated in the mountains. See? Away from temptations. That's more like it.

Anyway, I might be boring you now, so my updates end here.

Ooooh. Before I forget..have you noticed my new layout? I designed everything myself! The banner, the code, every single thing [pride pride pride]. It's a work of a Photoshop amateur so please excuse the imperfections. ^-^ I've updated the side bar and added songs I'm liking at the moment. Im not quite sure why the theme of it is tattered, torn paper. When my creative juices flow, they are unpredictable. I did this sponatenously.Whatever comes into my mind then.. that is it! Hahaha! This new layout is a sure sign that I am now going to blog on regular basis [i hope so]. Give me constructive comments on my new blog layout if you like.They will surely make me a better Photoshopper. Tata!

Aftertaste

2008-02-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last journalized the goings-on of my life here. Even though I constantly do a disappearing act, I'll never forsake this blog of mine. Blogging is a part of my top ten favorite things to do. I lurve blogging.

The reason for my disappearing act [again] is a matter of choice. When life gives me lemons, I make lemonade, right? But sometimes, when I blog and write my thoughts on my lemonade, I tend to lose the "momentum" and end up spoiling the lemonade. So I chose to finish the lemonade first, and enjoy it while it lasts. Then, I'll write about it's aftertaste later.

[I hope you get my symbolism here :) ] Now, I believe my lemonade is finished. It is proper and fitting then, that I'll tell you about the aftertaste of it. I don't know where and how to begin. Hundreds of things have had happened. I'll sift all the happenings and tell you the most juicy details.

So first of all, let me tell ya'll that in more or less, 30 days, I am going to leave the best times of my life and grow up. I am going to graduate from high school. I'll save all the sad words when the BIG day comes.

Next, I went to my second, and last high school prom a day before Valentine's day. It was a masquerade night.It was err.. fun for most, but not for me. You see, my hormones [!] had been messing up with my utterly vulnerable heart days before Prom [I'll tell you more about this petty thing when the right time comes] . So I ended up going to Prom thinking I had a semi-broken heart. The whole night, I was pretending that I was having a good time [Actually, the Prom Night itself wasn't very entertaining. It didn't pass my standards of a good party so I guess, I wasn't pretending at all. HAHA] . Basta. To make the long story short, I was just fooling myself. Semi-broken heart? Very very funny. I wasted my Prom Night having a delusion. Truth is, my feelings [and hormones!] were just messing up with me. Hello? I don't get affected by petty boy problems. I have an attitude like a spinster. But then again, my hormones were messing up with me. Sigh..

Moral lesson: Guard your teeny, vulnerable, weak hearts from those deceitful hormones.

Next on the list, is Valentine's Day. Well, what should I expect? I had a bad pre-Valentine's Prom Night.. It was predictable that I'd have a terrible Valentines too. Likewise, I wasted my Valentine's Day. NOPE! I DID NOT stay at home and whine all day. I had a family date with my Mom and Dad [see? how cool is that?Hehe] . We went to an acoustic concert with Paulo Santos and ate a heartful dinner. Everything seemed perfect but I had a bad time. Because of what? HORMONES! This time, they messed up my brain and had me thinking of the unfortunate events that happened to me in the previous days. Sigh. Remembering those days simply make me sigh.

My lemonade sure is sour. But, as I was about to finish my lemonade, I tasted the sugar dissolved at the bottom of my glass. Then I realized, my lemonade wasn't that sour after all.

You know the sugar part of my lemonade? My final high school Retreat.

I've never cried so much in my entire life. I cried an ocean as big as the Pacific [exag]. The entire experience made me put to heart and mind the most amazing and truest Love of all, and just how muuuuch like a family our class is to me.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Everything make me wanna be like Peter Pan. I dont want to graduate yet. Time really plays tricks on me. Just when I was really starting to truly, madly, deeply love high school, it will come to an end soon.

Time is cruel.
There goes the aftertaste.

Then I tell my story.

2008-01-17T16:07:00.000+08:00

In January of last year, I experienced something I’ve been waiting for as a teenager. This particular experience is stamped on my memory, for it was that experience that made me realize how insane I become.. when the love bug bites.

By my intro, you would know that I am going to blog about that four-letter word. Yes, for the first time in my history of online journalizing, I am going to talk about matters of the heart. I guess it’ about time that I do so.

I am the kind of person who doesn’t have much knowledge about the most overused and most misunderstood word ever in the English vocabulary, love. For starters, I don’t have a love life. I don’t date. And I am not looking for a boyfriend, unlike the majority of the tween population out there. Two reasons are behind this fact. One, “strict ang parents ko.” Two, it’s a choice.

I am 16 years old. This is the age where the boyfriend mentality is at its peak. Have I not caught this disease yet? Oh no dear. I was infected by it. In fact, I was sick of it sooooo badly, I started behaving insanely.

Do you know the most common symptom of this widespread disease?
Falling into an infatuation.

Believe me, it is deadly. It’s a killer. A major killer. I still have fresh memories of it. No, not only memories, but scars as well.

So let me share you some bits and pieces of my memories and do some story-telling here about my encounter with the fatal boyfriend mentality. I’ll reveal the details of the not-so-pleasant world of infatuation, based on experience.

When you get caught by the boyfriend mentality, you become a teenager to the fullest. I know, its sounds fun and harmless right? But believe me, being a teenager to the fullest will make you wish you were a grown up.

Okay, so I got the boyfriend mentality when I was 15. I became more of a hopeless romantic. Always daydreaming and imagining of perfect love stories that only happen in movies. My friends were infected too. So altogether, we were a bunch of desperadas.

If cancer had stages, this disease has its own too. Unfortunately, I was in the fourth stage. I was gradually falling into an infatuation. Having an infatuation is like having a crush.. to the highest, maximum level. It’s almost close to being an obsession. In my case, it was an obsession. [I used to deny it before but now that I have “moved on” from it, I can freely admit it]

It was fun and amusing for a while, but in the long run, it was a major distraction. It affected my behaviour. I started liking and loving attention. I felt that I was the center of the universe. I would make friends with guys for all the wrong reasons. I was the perfect definition of a pathetic, immature girl.

When I got close with an equally immature dude [who happens to have the girlfriend mentality, I guess] things got worse. I would text the dude 24/7 [He was the reason why I bought load anyway]! I would do anything just to be around him. I’d go wherever he went. He was constantly on my mind. When I do the dishes, when I study.. every freaking moment! It was as If he was tattooed on my brain. I started to believe that every love song was written for “us” and every little thing was a “sign” for “our” future [euw euw euw]. My days revolved around him. I’d consider it a good day if I “interacted” with him and bad if I haven’t. When the dude started showing some liking too, all hell broke loose.

Then a cure came down from Heaven.

Summer came.

Alleluia! Summer put an end to our budding love story. We didn’t get to see each other. And we grew tired of communicating. Eventually, the “feelings” disappeared. Those were gloomy summer days, by the way. Nevertheless, it was all part of the downside of having an infatuation.

Looking back at that unpleasant yet life-changing memory, I learned a lot about myself. I understood the nature of my heart. My heart is deceitful and vulnerable. It is defenseless to a cute boy’s charm and suaveness [haha] . I also grasped the fact that we teenagers simply just love the thrill that we feel every time we like someone, or when someone likes us. We love it when our hearts palpitate. In short, we love it when we’re kilig.

But I am over that stage already. I am cured of the boyfriend mentality. I have other urgent matters to deal with than those things teenagers love. Although it is normal, I refuse to become petty like most of the teen population is.

So what am I going to do now?

Hold all those kilig moments and reserve them for the right and best time. I believe that If I experience being kilig too often now, it will lose its special meaning and feeling when I meet “the one”. And I will remain boyfriend-less. When I meet “the one”, I want it to be first. First love. First kiss.. First in everything.

Love is waiting.

2007 In Review

2008-01-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

When the year 2007 started, I was feeling uncertain and doubtful that the year would be as great as the previous one. It is my nature to be reluctant to say goodbye to something I’ve held on to for quite a while. So moving on to a new year is not an easy job for me.

But who would have thought? 2007 was an even greater and more delightful year for me.

And now, here I am once again, bidding farewell to what has become the best year of my life. But at this time, I am no longer reluctant. I welcome the New Year with a big, warm hug!

As a retrospect of the countless memories that have come and by during 2007, I want to tell you that the year 2007 served as a teacher to me. I learned to love things and situations I used to ignore and dislike: Living with my parents alone and doing things all by myself. I took big leaps and steps, some of which I never though I’d be able to accomplish: Debating on local TV and organizing the biggest school party of the year. I gained and handled greater responsibilities: Unexpectedly becoming the President of the whole student body.

However 2007 also served as a torture to me. I was deceived by my hopelessly romantic heart, struggled with accepting change, lost the appetite to excel academically, and suffered badly in my Christian walk.

My 2007 year was bilateral. I didn’t only pleasured with happy happenings but also dealt with the misfortunes. That is the beauty of it. I experienced both sides of life.

Now, as I continue my life journey into the uncertainty and surprises of 2008, I am armed with the wisdom and insights I came to know in the previous year.

When I look ahead, I know it’ll be a tough year. I’ll graduate from High School, start from square one in College and grow up. GROW UP.

I guess everything really is changing in this year of the rat. RATS.. [as if I believe in those stuff]

The Material Girl in Christmas

2007-12-18T15:19:00.000+08:00

I was in Ilo-Ilo City for three days last week for a journalism competiton. I had lots of much-anticipated free time so I thought, "Why not do my christmas shopping here?". I was expecting that stuff in Ilo-Ilo are cheaper in price compared to those in my hometown Bacolod. But I was frustratedly wrong. Ilo-Ilo City is more modernized and "economically" better than Bacolod. So prices there are higher, more expensive. [Okay, enough of that. I'm not here to talk about prices and compare cities. Sometimes, or actually most of the time, I get carried away from the topic. :) ]

With a reasonable budget in hand and a good pair of newly-bought sneakers, I set out to hunt for my victims. My companions apparently made a way to ditch me so I had the pleasure of shopping all by myself. It felt.. cool [wow! what an intellegent choice of an adjective]. I was alone in this big unfamiliar shopping mall in a big unacquainted city. I felt independent and a big girl. Hey, i don't need mummy anymore to get my way around.

[I am straining from the topic again] So anyway, I had a hard time shopping. I saw good buys and great deals and I had the money to buy them, but the problem was, my selfishness kept on going in the way, tempting me to shop and buy all for myself. I already had a spend-plan for my budget but the material girl inside of me kept on telling me to splurge on a single thing for no one else but myself.. and myself alone. And silly me, I gave in. I let my insane side win over my sane being.

At the end of the day, I had an irrationally expensive clutch bag, and a handful of remorse.

Similar to that incident is what is happening during the Christmas season. Admit or not, we all become materialistic during the Holidays. All year long, each of us has longed, desired, craved, yearned, whatever you call it, for material things we sadly could not have with a snap of a finger. All year long, we have eyed those pricey and dreamy things, hoping to someday call them "mine". And now that the "gift-giving" season has come, we all have high hopes that we will finally lay our hands on the things on our wish lists.

During noche buena, we become monsters, ripping apart those beautifully wrapped gifts, revealing the objects of our desires and affection. Then we are glad for our material cravings have been satisfied.

Does this scene seem plausible? .. and familiar? Come clean now, fellow. We have all become victims of our material sides.

I'm not anti-gifts, people. In fact, I do love gifts. My heart palpitates whenever I receive one. But what I'm trying to tell you guys is that we become too preoccupied and engrossed to physical things when Christmas season comes. The real reason for this celebration is overshadowed by our materialism. Christmas has become a commercialized season. Sad reality, right?

During Noche Buena, why don't we pause for a while in the middle of the madness and festivity and think back to the real intention behind the season. Let us not forget that above all the Christmas ornaments, all the presents, all the holiday hams.. is the birthday of our Redeemer. Let's greet Him with a thankful heart for all the blessings we unawarely and undeservingly receive from Him is far more worth than a million iPhones or Ferraris in this planet.

Now, that is what CHRISTmas is all about.

Blessed Christmas. [hug]

It about time to GROW UP!

2007-12-03T19:05:00.000+08:00

[Whoah! Wordy thoughts ahead! I am not this serious in real life. In fact, I'm kinda quirky and unpredictable like Dee Dee. I seldom get super serious with things.But here, boohoo..I have to be serious. The occasion calls for it. :) ]
After more than a week of schooldays without Nadine, I say I am okay. I am not that depressed or sad anymore. Although I still feel unhappy whenever I see her empty armchair, I am okay. I guess the feeling of missing her will never go away. It will remain in my system and as time goes on.. I will eventually get used to it. We see each other and talk on the phone once in a while. Things are simply changing. And we all know that we can't fight change. It's one of the strongest forces of nature. I am embracing change now. Change happens for a reason.

Today, I want to get a little more personal and share how I really feel towards the recent happenings in my life. Whenever I blog, Its always just about the "first level" of what and how I really feel. Of course, I have to set some boundaries of privacy. After all, anyone can read my blog. But at this moment, I am going beyond that boundary. I want, for the first time, to be completely honest [or almost]. I don't know why. I just want to.

I started this post with a positive outlook towards this change. Yes, I am quite seeing things in a different perspective now.

You see, I've been living in the shadow of my friend Nadine. I was at first oblivious to it, but now the picture is clear. I am always just walking and standing behind her back, following her direction. I am fickle-minded person and I've grown to depend on her decisions. Whatever she decides on is also my decision. Whatever she chooses is also my choice.Whatever way she walks on is also my path. Do you now see the picture? I don't have my own individual identity because I've come to press and push myself with Nadine's. It's like "Nadine can stand with her own self, but Charisse? Naah. She needs Nadine."

So there you go.

One particular instance of living in her shadow is I being the Vice-President and Nadine being the President of our student government. She does all the action while I am just there, ready to do whatever is left. Come to think of it, it is my fault why I have become so dependent of her. I have my own hands, my own feet, my own mind yet I chose to follow and go along with hers. Nadine has nothing to do with this. She maybe even unaware that I was feeling this way all along.

So lads and gents, when Nadine transferred, I was left in awe. It is as if my backbone left my body...No more to support myself. I was greatly affected because now, I am faced with the burden of making my own decisions and simply, doing things all by myself. The worst part is, I'll have to occupy her vacated position as President!

Then and there, I realized that I've been breathing and existing in the shadow of my best friend. This change took the shadow away. My shade has gone and now, I am exposed to the brightness of responsibility and independence. I have been thinking a lot about this and I am sure it will be hard for me. I'm so used to the darkness of the shadow that this new brightness may somewhat blind me.

Nadine moving to another school has given me unfamiliar personal challenges. It will test not only our friendship, but of course, myself as an individual. I will take one step at a time as I create and find my own identity. My stepping stone will be functioning as an effective and reliable President. New power comes new responsibilities...

But with a deep sigh, I shall grow and learn to stand in my own feet!

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot..."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Unpredictable

2007-11-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

I feel speechless today. I am filled with many emotions yet I am unable to let them out and express them. My posts are usually flavored with spice but perhaps this is going to be my most flavorless blog post ever.

I believe I don't have to flavor or spice up what I should say when It is about something that is really gloomy and heartbreaking.

The unpredictability of life was proven to me when I learned that my best friend, Nadine, is transferring to another school. For you, it may be an ordinary situation. Some of your reactions may go like "So what's the big deal? She is just moving to another school in the same city!" or "Whatever.It's not like she's moving a thousand miles away!". I thought that my initial reaction would be similar to those.. But I was wrong. True, she's moving to another school in the same city. And true, she is not moving 1,000 miles away from me.

But despite having the knowledge of those facts, I cried. I cried.

I feel awful because I know I will miss her so much. Nadine is a big part of my life. It may sound a cliche but it's true. We've known each other since first grade. And over the years, I know a sisterhood has grown and flourished between the two of us. Together, we grew and matured as young adults and discovered the reality of life.

Nadine is my first true friend. I have a bad history when it comes to making and finding friends. Most of them, I don't feel the sense of belonging. But when Nadine and I became close friends, I felt I met my twin. I encountered many once-in-a-lifetime experiences with her.Some only the two of us know.

I'm so used to live and share my life with Nadine. There is just something unique in our friendship that could never be found nor felt with friendships with my other friends. Maybe it is the way how each of us affects and influences another as individuals. Nadine taught me to be brave to take risks and step out of my comfort zone.And in a way, I tamed her "wild side". Perhaps, it is also the way we develop to become better persons in each others company.Back then, we often talked about gossip, complains and teen drama stuff. But I am sure glad that we've grown and our talks became sensible. Our conversations about life, love and everything in between them are moments always remembered and cherished.

Sigh.. I am sure our graduation day will be different not having her around. She will be having all things different. A different diploma, a different shoulder to cry on, a different batch to share her last high school moments with. And I? I will certainly be thinking how sentimental and moving the biggest day of our teenhood could have been If we were together to celebrate it.

Now that she'll be in another school, I don't know if things we'll ever be the same. Change has knocked on our doorsteps and we can't do anything but let it in.

There is a time for everything

2007-11-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

I never thought that I'd be facing the keyboard, typing my thoughts again after 3 long months of being dormant.But here I am, alive, kicking and yep, blogging. This obviously means that my period of hibernation is officially over.It's good to be back. Although I'm not quite sure what got into my mind that convinced moi to blog again, it is really good to be back. My absence was brought about by my extreme disorder I call "the blogger's block" and because of it, my bain cells were also damaged. I am still recovering from it actually so pardon me for now. I sort of lost my blogging skills.

The truth is, I didn't blog for almost three months because I simply didnt feel like it. I've attempted to blog again for a couple of times already but I didnt publish what I wrote. Believe it or not, blogging brought me stress. So not blogging for a long time gave me peace of mind. I've read in a magazine that a blogger has a choice whether to update or not.

I am glad that I chose not to update.After all, like my title says, there is a time for everything. When I was "gone", life started to unfold. Once in a lifetime experierences and opportunities crossed my path. New and existing friendships flourished. And the best part of it is that I myself matured emotionally, intelectually and spiritually altogether. Indeed, this moment of my life is a time of discovering and find out what's hidden beneath the lines.

If things had been a tv show, then you have probably missed the best episodes of the show. You have incredibly missed so much. Soooo much.Memories put to words is a complete blah. So let me show ya'll pictures of the goings-on in my life when i was hibernating. Here are the icing on the cake. :)
[i had to resize the pics because the couldn't fit..so they look distorted :C ]

I celebrated the anniversary of my since-nursery-alma-mater for the last time in Septmeber. It was my last and best! It is true that "the best things are saved for last". I developed amity with my schoolmates whom I've never talked to before. The highlight of the week was when the student government officers spent a night in our school. As Vice-president, I got to come! We watched the most disgusting movie in history and partied at midnight.We didn't sleep close to 48 hours!

Even though I didnt have a Crisostomo Ibarra, I came as Maria Clara during our annual Araw ng Lahi. It is a tradition in my school. It is almost like a costume party. Again, it was the cream of the crop!

I have become a "chiller" lately. A chiller [i made this up] is a person who loves to laze about, have a cup of coffee or something and just have a good conversatiion with a friend. A talk is one of the best free things in life. My sisters and I had a quality family time together during the sembreak.

My school's debate team joined an inter-school debate competition which is pretty popular here in Bacolod because it is aired in local tv. As a part of the team, I had the privilege to join! We competed against schools like La Salle and St. Scholastica's. It was indescribable. This kind of experience will surely be remembered even as my hair turns grey! It was definitely worth the sleepless nights. You can visit THIS to watch the whole competition.

What else can I say? Life just keeps on getting better and better. My fourth year in high school showed me what it really means to be a teenager. The drama may be pathetic at times, but teenhood is the most playful part of anyone's life.

Anyhoo, that's all for now. The next time I'll be back.. I'll be sharing with you a secret. :)

PHOTO SOURCE: http://iampaparazzi.multiply.com

I'm bringing blogging back..yeah.

2007-11-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

Post-it note

2007-09-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

My Sob Story

2007-08-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

My tune: God will lift up your head by Jars Of Clay

I have a lot of things to say today. This is going to be one of my longest posts.But let me start by assuming that all of your, or most of you, my readers, may have experienced what I am going through right now. Have you ever felt the feeling that the world is against you?.. that you are carrying the weight of the universe on your shoulders?.. that your problems are stacking right on top of another? And have you ever had so many obstacles in a single day?.. had cried so many tears in a single moment?.. had felt so hopeless, so miserable that you want to ask the Heavens, "am I doomed to fail?"

Yes, yes. I sound like an Emo person right now. But I have to tell you, there is an Emo person in each of us. But I am not here to write about that.

I am here to let you know that if you have felt any of the situations and emotions I mentioned above, well honey, you're not alone. I have been in your shoes too. I have been there.

We all have those sob stories about how this life is taking its toll on us..How we tried our best yet we failed..etc. Sob stories, like movies, have different endings. Bitter or better? It is a choice.

Well, dearest reader, let me share you my sob story. [Actually I have a lot of sob stories but this one is the best..or the worst?]

I do not wish to whine or rant in re-telling my sob story. I am just hoping that somehow, you would learn something from these unexpected unfortunate events.

I stepped out of our house thinking that this day would be a pretty ordinary day. I will take the NCAE, do some schoolwork, go home, blog, text for a little while, then hit the sacks. But an ordinary day could turn 360 degrees in just a snap. Like a single matchstick could burn a 400 hectare forest, so is single moment could change the course of your life.. forever.

With a depressed heart, let me tell you the news that I lost my cellphone today. This may seem like an ordinary problem faced by another careless teenager, but believe me in my case, it is more than that.

Losing my cellphone is another addition to my bucket of problems.First, I missed quizzes due to my three day absence from class. I'm sure my class rank will flunk.Then, I spent 12 painstaking hours answering eight killer exams which made my brain deflate.I haven't yet recovered from that traumatic event and now, another problemo!

I am not feeling bad plainly because I lost a pricey 2 month old cellphone. What I shed tears for is the thought that I lost something with a sentimental value. The thing is, I am a person who becomes easily emotionally attached to a possession. My cellphone was like a sister to me. I stored valuable photos, recordings of Bible verses, favorite songs and treasured funny videos on it. We always had a Sunday night bonding routine. Whenever I am in my loner mode, it served as my companion. I loved my cellphone like Jack loves his blanket. And now, I miss it like Jack misses his blanket.

Now, I could choose how to react to this misfortune. Will I cry, regret and be depressed? or accept it and move on? With all these burdens, let me say that I am sooo tired of being tired and depressed. I am generally a pessimistic person and I am fed up of being like this. I am over letting my emotions take over me.

That's the problem people.Behind every sob story is a cloud of emotions taking over the scene. This dark cloud makes the sob story end up in a total chaos. Thus, sob stories always end up bitter. Never better.

Okay, back to what I've said. I am tired of being an Emo person towards my problems. Being a pessimist is the worst character a person can have. It gives you nothing but anxiety and tears. My latest emotional breakdown was because of my pessimism. But really, folks, if we all look in the brighter side of every dark event, we will all make it through. Let us all be Mr. and Ms. Brightside.

But enough of all these sayings and sweeping statements. I want to talk based on my experience.

Earlier, I was the same pessimist letting emotions take control of me. But a moment sparked a change for the better. I heard in the news on TV that over a 100 people are homeless right now because an enormous fire burned down their homes in Manila. Hearing that news is a life-changing moment. I realized that despite my bucket of problems, I should consider myself lucky. I mean, compared to other people's problems, mine are minor and can be dealt with.

Despite my misfortune, I am still blessed.

See? Right then and there, I decided to give up my negativity and be Ms. Brightside. Life will be simpler this way. I chose to stop carrying the weight of the universe on my shoulders and to let go.

Yes yes. Let go and let Jesus take over.

"Give to the wind your fear
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head "
-God Will Lift Up Your Head by Jars of Clay

You can never be liberated from your problems if you don't entrust them to Father God.
So my dear earthlings, make the decision to turn against pessimism and let Lord God provide.
Trust Him. He has plans to prosper you, not to harm you.

OMG. My sob story is a happy ending after all.

Sad songs for myself

2007-08-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Earthling,

If you are here in my journal to read something that'll make you happy or enthusiastic or even ecstatic, well, you are in the wrong place. If you are in high spirits right now, spare yourself from the melancholy you are about to read.

I am sad right now and so, it is rightful for me to make a sad post too. I dont know why I am sad. But come to think of it, I dont need a reason to be sad. There are a lot of things I should be happy of. But I am sad.. simply because I choose to be sad. Having a frowning face is after all, a choice.

Love lots,

The Chronicler >.<

Songs that make me sad: [emo mode]

hear the songs in my playlist at the end of the post

1. Sparks by Coldplay

Did I drive you away?

I know what you’ll say,

You say, “Oh, sing one we know,”

But I promise you this,

I’ll always look out for you,

That’s what I’ll do.

I say “oh,”

I cry “oh.”

Yeah I saw sparks,

And I saw sparks,

Yeah I saw sparks,

Sing it out.

2. One of these days by Michelle Branch

I didn't notice

But I didn't care

I tried being honest

But that lead me nowhere

I watched the station

Saw the bus pulling through

And I don't mind saying

A part of me left with you

One of these days

I won't be afraid of staying with you

I hope and I pray

Waiting to find a way back to you

Cause that's where I'm home

3. Mixtape by Butch Walker

You say hello,

inside I'm screaming I love you

You say goodnight,

in my mind I'm sleeping next to you

You drive away from my car crash of a heart

And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have

And even all the bad songs ain't so bad

I just wish there was so much more than that

About me and you

4. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?

5. Boston by Augustana

She said I think I'll go to Boston

I think I'll start a new life,

I think I'll start it over,

where no one knows my name,

I think I'll go to Boston,

I think that I'm just tired

I think I need a new town,

to leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise,

I'm tired of the sunset

You don't know me,

you don't even care, oh yeah,

She said You don't know me,

and you don't wear my chains..

6. Best I ever had by Vertical Horizon

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now

I just say your name now

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I've ever had

You don't want me back

You're just the best I've ever had

The fool said in his heart, "There is no God!"

2007-08-09T20:36:00.000+08:00

My tune: Here with me by Mercy Me

I used to believe in fate, destiny, coincidences, chances, etc etc. But having the real Christian faith, I no longer believe in such things. He controls and knows every single detail in the lives of every earthling [inlcuding you of course]. So do not think that fate is taking over your life, or even your love life.. It's not the works of destiny,honey. It is His' works.

In relation to the previous paragraph, I say Jesus led me to visit this particular blog. It is a journal of a Filipino Atheist. The title of his blog interested me into reading his blog and knowing whats intide the mind of an atheist.I read his posts and winced throughout. Man, that dude's lost. I am sorry to state it, but I believe he is bound to go to hell for making such statements like this one:

"These people would shut their eyes to Yahweh's rape of the Virgin Mary, wife of Joseph, and rejoice that Mary bore Yahweh's bastard son... [emphasis mine] "

From:source

The blogger, who calls himself Hellcat, obviously made blasphemous remarks.I was enraged when my eyes lay upon those offensive words. Throughout his blog, he talked and freely professed his atheistic pride, bashing the autheniticity of the Bible and calling the followers of Jesus Christ idiots. As a Christian, I was almost gnashing my teeth of anger. But then I realized that it's useless to argue with a fool.

I clicked a link on his blog and eventually, I found myself in yet another illogical website. The website is called Skeptic's Annonated Bible. It is an online version of the Bible but, with comments placed by verses expressing contradictions against the Bible. Come to think of it, they were even making fun of the Word of God! Again, I shook my head of the thought of how lost and blinded from the Truth the creators of the website were. I pity them.

I clicked another linked website on his blog and found this. It contains the actual so-called Gospel of Mary [Magdalene] which was the inspiration for the imprudent novel The Da Vinci Code by the plagiarist Dan Brown. I browse through it a little bit and found the Gospel to be a total deception. There is something about it that tells me that the Gospel of Mary is not Divinely inspired and was created to mislead people.

If you want to challenge your faith, I say visit the websites I mentioned. But if you want to have a good read, spare your time from irrelevant matters and visit this sensible website.

Flashback

2007-08-06T18:18:00.000+08:00

My tune: On Fire by Switchfoot
My Adobe PS is unavailable today so no pictures for this post.

August five is a marked day on my calendar. It is such an eventful day that it is already stamped on my memory.On that day, I almost died..but a miracle saved me.

Lets have a flashback shall we?

It was August 5, 2003. I was in 6th grade back then. I have been feeling a pain in the lower right are of my abdomen, just above my pelvic bone for 2 weeks. It was really a pain actually since it wasn't agonizing. Let's say, it was a disturbing, tingling sensation. It was a confusing kind of feeling.Every time I felt it, I thought I was just the usual feeling whenever I'm hungry or in the mood to fart [laugh with me people.haha.] I didnt know that it was a serious symptom of a serious illness.

Then as time went by, I lost my appetite.I was having fever. When I was young [and dumb] I had a theory that barfing would make a sick person feel better. I thought my theory was completely and accurately true since it worked one time.. So I forced myself to throw up every single food I ate. But it didn't make me feel better at all. It only made me look like a wasted, bulimic kid.

My parents noticed my unwell state of being and my weight loss. They decided to confine me to an infirmary.At first, I protested their decision. I hated the smell and the aura of a hospital. But they made me go to the doctor anyway.

I first stayed in the emergency room. The ER is a very depressing place to be. I was surrounded with no one else but sick and dying people. An old lady even died in the ER while I was there. It was sooo horrible!

My situation got worse that I could barely walk. They made me sit on a wheel chair and transported me to a yet another sad,sad room. Right there, I was treated like a pregnant woman.The doctor performed an ultrasonography [with the use of an ultrasound thingy] on me. After three meticulous hours, the doctor said that I had a ruptured appendicitis. It was the worst kind of appendicitis.My appendix has swollen and burst and the toxin it caused has spread all over its surrounding areas. I was in a very fatal condition. I had to be operated on ASAP.

So there,. they brought me to the operating room. Man, if the ER and the ultrasound room were like wretched places, the Operating room was the worst of them all. It was a cold, spacious room with huge bulb lights and a bed which resembled the ones used in a death sentence. Wearing nothing but a hospital gown, I lay on that miserable bed as the doctor injected the Anesthesia on my spinal column. The Anesthesia somehow was a failure since I was still awake and conscious at the beginning of the operation. I even felt the surgeon make an incision on my body! The doctor noticed my consciousness and immediately placed a mask on me. The mask was almost suffocating me. I guess It was made to be like that. I couldn't breathe in it. After two inhales and exhales, I became unconscious and almost lifeless.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in the recovery room [I haven't been in so many rooms in only one day before]. Then I realized that I was very much blessed to be even alive and breathing at that moment.

**End of flashback**

My August 5-experience proved to me a lot of things. First, it proved to me the enduring, unconditional and unfailing love of our Lord Father God to his children. In the middle of that crisis, I didn't even remember to say a prayer to Him [I wasn't a true Christian at that time], yet he still blessed me with another chance at life. See? Miracles happen even to the poor in spirit.

Second, it proved to me that there will always be a first time. That day, I experienced so many firsts. First time to go under the knife.. first time to use a catheter.. first time not to take a bath in a month..etc etc etc.

It was pleasurable to recall that memory.The scar which that unfortunate event left me will always be a reminder of that fateful day.

So my fellow earthlings, let me end this post with the moral lesson of my story: People can survive without an appendix.

get that? goooooooood. ^.^

Fast Forward

2007-08-05T12:24:00.000+08:00

My tune: The infuriating voice of Erik Santos singing on TV

The Chronicler's note: I've been pretty sick and out of order lately. No, not sick physically. Im sick "behaviourly". Oh dear, I hope I haven't conformed to this world yet.But by the way I have been doing things lately, I sadly believe I have. I dont know why but I have become a full-time irritable, attention-seeking procastinator. Basta. I am out of myself. Maybe its because of hormones or just plainly teenage angst. I.Don't.Know. One thing's for sure though, Im getting myself fixed. ["Dont worry about anything, instead pray for everything"----> Philippians4.6]

When I was young and still clueless about the goings-on of life, I always found the time to have a fast forward moment and think about the future years to come. I'd wonder who I'll end up with, what I'd look like, how rich I'll get [LOL], and of course, what I would be like when I grow up.

Yesterday, I made my stepping stone into finding the answer to that very question. I took the UPCAT .. The biggest exam I have ever taken in 15 years.

UPCAT which stands for University of the Philippines College Admission Test, is obviously the admission test to UP. UP is my dream school. [Well, besides Harvard, Oxford and Yale University that is.HAHA.So let me put it this way, UP is my realistic dream school]. Having three sisters already studying there, I have had a glimpse of what It is to be called an "iskolar ng bayan". The idea of being a UPian [<----is that what students in UP are called?] is the kind of life I want to have in the next four years of my life.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but seriously, when I go to college, I want to be away from my hometown, Bacolod City. Its not that I'm freakin' sick and tired of this City [okay, I am a little], its just that I want to start afresh. I have been studying in the same school since nursery and that makes me want to experience what it is like to be a new student too, a new face in a new town..

Here in Bacolod, I go around with a label plastered on my forehead.Wherever I go, whatever I do, as long as Im in the boundary of this City, I will always be that same labeled girl. I am like a spider hopelessly tangled in a web.I want to break free from that wretched web. I want to start a new life in a new town where nobody knows my name. So that's why I am dying to get to UP. Specifically UP Diliman. The farther from Bacolod, the better.

I can completely see myself as a UPian, taking Broadcast Communication, living a dorm life, being independent, and eating cup noodles for dinner. Heehee.

But in every story, there will always be a dream stealer. And in my story, that would be my mother.

She wants me to take up..yes, you've guessed it right.. Nursing [!!] in yet another same old same old College here in Bacolod. Like.. Duh? She says If I become a nurse, I'll go abroad and get rich fast. Man, boohoo. My view on people who take up Nursing just to have an easy way to work abroad is that they are simply ..
M-A-T-E-R-I-A-L-I-S-T-I-C. They focus their eyes only on the Dollars instead of what they really want. Hello? The road to success is not a one-way street.

Besides, nursing is too flavorless for a spicy girl like me.Hahaha.

What I want is to take up either Broadcast Communication and become a broadcaster, or take up Film and Audio-Visual and become a photographer or director.

Enough said. I will go to UP [I believe,I believe].And I will not take up Nursing.Period.

Finally.sigh.

2007-07-28T21:01:00.000+08:00

My tune: Heard 'em say by Kanye West

For a moment, I thought I was quitting blogging. It has been two weeks since I last posted. The excitement and urge to blog has somewhat died down in those 14 days of absence. As an individual, it is in my nature to lose interest on a special thing I dearly love in due course. Blogging is that special thing. When I cant blog for a long period of time, I get disinterested all of a sudden. It's what they call "short attention span". Am I right? Well, blame it all to my faulty internet connection. But anyhway, Im glad I am not quitting blogging.There is so many drama in life worth blogging about. Here are the things that happened to me and the things I planned to do when I was not around.

I ran in our student government for Vice-President.
Leading with only 13 votes from my opponent, I prevailed victoriously.Gees, I am so happy.
I am even happier to know that I've got the easiest, and most hectic-free position.Woohoo.Last year, I got elected as the secretary.From that experience, let me give you a piece of advice: Never ever run as a secretary.You'll only regret it.Especially if you dont have the perfect handwriting.Hahaha.
My friends deserted my blog [!!].That's why nobody reads the things I put here anymore.Except for donya quixote.She's my only blogfriend I decided to link. Before I rebuilt this site, I had many links and blogfriends.But I grew tired visiting their blogs.All they do is blog about their whining and ranting.So when I reopened this blog 3 months ago, I decided not to link them again.

I am going to link people again. But this time around, I'll only link people who have relevant blogs that wont give me a headache when I read 'em.Heehee.

I discovered this very helpful website for people who sometimes couldnt understand the lyrics of their favorite songs [like me]. I was looking for the meaning of the lyrics of the song Champagne Supernova by Oasis and I stumbled on this site. Visit it and finally, understand.

I gave my friendster profile a makeover. My theme is about the choice between doing good or evil. Check it out here.

I am dying to have a haircut.Having long hair requires a lot of maintenance.High maintenance that is.I simply dont have the time and willingness to do so.Im thinking of going bald.Like Britney. [Of course, you know Im joking.]

Well thats about it.Nothing more to say. I still have a writing competition tomorrow so my post ends here.After this, I'll go bloghopping and look for blogs worth linking.^^

A less boring post tomorrow.

Good night everyone.

These are a few of my favorite things

2007-07-11T19:33:00.000+08:00

My tune: The Valley Song by Jars of Clay

I wil be having my First Grading examinations next week so I wont be able to type long posts for the next 7 days. One thing I learned from the past month is to be always prepared for everything so the days ahead of me will be a time for preparation. Tonight I am posting a very short post but yet, such a meaningful one.

Yesterday, I went to National Bookstore. Besides drooling over their shelves of delightful reads, I noticed a book These are a few of my favorite things by Tony Burton from Make a wish Foundation. The book contains the wishes [which the foundation heartfully granted] of little kids with life-threatening diseases. Its a inspiring book which will make you realize that the simplest things are of the greatest value. So now I am also making my own list. But I wont include material things. I've come to realize that material objects are not my favorite things after all.

These are some of my favorite things:

Experiencing the amazing Grace of my Abba Father.
Seeing fluffy, colorful clouds in the skies.
Laughing out of nowhere because a funny memory came into mind.
Catching my breath while having a L.O.L moment.
Having a worthwhile conversation with a friend.
Friday nights and Saturday mornings.
Eating out with the oldies<---- mom and pop. :]
Doing something brave and new.
Being nocturnal with my fellow nightly species, my greatly-missed sisters.
Hearing a song that makes me think, sigh, and become nostalgic.
Videoke with my dorky girl friends.
Being in the backseat of our car.
Waking up to a rainy morning.
Love.

Gees, I had to stop myself from making a hundred-long list. I dont know why, but I just love making lists like that one. I guess that adds to my list of my favorite things too.Haha! My favortie things may seem bizarre so here are some of my reasons.

On #4. I dont know if its a health problem but everytime I laugh so hard, I run out of oxygen that I need to stop and catch my breath first before I resume laughing. But even although its like that, I love the feeling of it. Yes.Yes.Yes. I am abundant in laughing gas.

On #7.Being a sort of "only child" since all of my sisters left home for college, I have so much time spent alone with my parents. I never thought about it but my parent are cool after all. The three of us always, and I mean always, eat dinner out and so we bond more and pretty much, sooner or later, the three of us will become BFF's. Hahaha.

On # 10. I love songs that bring back memories.

On # 12. Sitting on the backseat of our car is a pleasure for me. Its an amusing thing to do to watch the buildings and people your car passes by and hearing adult conversation happening in the front seats. It is almost like for a moment, you become invisible as you sit at the backseat.

On # 13. Rainy mornings make me sleep like a baby.

Making that list was fun and inspiring.Hey, why dont you make one too? Believe me, its worthwhile.

Oh ehm gee!!

2007-07-08T18:26:00.002+08:00

My tune: You set me free by Michelle Branch

I am feeling ecstatic right now. After one whole week of being separated from my one and only love, I am back in its arms once again. Yes, yes. My internet connection is alive and kicking. I was so lost and depressed without it. [exaggeration implied]

Anyhoo, that is not just the reason why I am feeling head over heels happy today. There are a lot of things to be happy about. First of all, I made it to my school paper. Yeah baby! I am now the official photo editor of Starlight. What I am even more happy about is the fact that I will be like a photographer more than a writer. Haha. I lurve photography better than writing and I do believe that I also work better in the first one. See, oh ehm gee!

And you know whats even better? I will be the one in charge of Starlight's website. If you have visited the website , you cant help but notice it's [ehem ehem] "plain jane " design. But wait till I get my hands on it. It will be G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

And before I forget, let me greet you a Happy month of July. I dont know how but I have made it like a sort of custom to celebrate everytime a new month has come. The month of June was a gloomy month for me so I am looking forward for a fresh, new, and better month thats ahead of me.

Im running out of words to say so let me leave you with this oh-so-hilarious video from the movie Grease. Some of my friends and I watched this movie for our supposed to be musical play for our music class. But it was cancelled. Oh ehm gee, just watch how John Travolta dances in the video. Lol.I wonder if he could still do that in his age now? hmmm.

___________________________________________________________________

PS. I changed my playlist. I'll change it monthly from now on. :]

Que sera sera [Whatever will be,will be]

2007-06-28T19:48:00.000+08:00

My tune: Yellow by Coldplay

Have you ever loved and lost somebody? Well, yes. I have loved. And yes, I lost him. He went away with Mr. Death.

Pappy Uranayski is gone.
My Shitzu brother is dead.

And its breaking my heart knowing that I will never get to see him grow up. He died at such a tender young age. He's life was abruptly robbed away from him.

To get the gist of this tragic moment, let me tell you the story. My brother-slash-dog, Pappy, was brutally murdered by my other dog. Actually, he was not murdered. He was ruthlessly slaughtered by the monster dog. The monster dog I am talking about is my 9 year old Wire-haired Duschsand, Gambi. Its such a shame because Gambi is particularly mine [Usually, dogs in our family are owned generally by our family but I am the prime owner of Gambi.Gaah.].

My parents found Pappy's blood-smothered body in the waterway of our house. They saw Gambi with her eyes reddened and his fur wet with water [probably, water from the waterway] . My mom described Gambi as somewhat out of herself, as if the dog's on drugs or something. So there you go.. We dont need the CSI to get to the bottom of this crime. That filthy, wicked dog killed my baby.

But to tell you, its not the first time that something like this happend. Gambi has a record of killing her fellow kind. A year ago, she did the same thing with our Japanese Spitz, Barbie. It really makes me wonder how come Gambi became a criminal dog like she is right now. I was never short of giving her a belly rub, or showing her some puppy love.

I guess dogs are dogs. They dont know what they're doing.

Today was the first day of living life without Pappy. I surely missed the way he licks my smelly socks the moment I arrive from school, the way he runs like a rabbit and the way he barks with his puppy voice.

He will surely be missed and remembered forever. And the day of his death will certainly go to the record of the saddest days of my life.

Pappy Uranay H. Hajimaru

[We named him a Japanese name]

March 2007-June 2007

Where do dog souls go when they die? 'Cause I'd like to be with my dog in the After Life.

--the chronicler

If looks could kill

2007-06-24T19:11:00.000+08:00

My tune: nothing. Just the sweet sweet silence

I just thought of doing something fun in a Sunday night so I visited myheritage.com and tried their face recognition thingy. You upload your picture and they find you a celebrity look-alike. Try it, its fun. Here's what I got.

I got Kate Winslet twice as my celebrity look alike! Seriously, I beg to disagree. I dont think I have a look alike on this planet. Hahaha. Some of the celebrities that they say I look alike are Gwen Stefani, Audrey Hepburn and Dakota Fanning. Man, they made me laugh. They're liars.
Oh well, just for laughs I guess.

Why dont you try it then comment me about who do you look like after. This is going to be fuuuun. :]

___________________________________________________________________

Its my mom's birthday tomorrow. Ya'll know that since my sisters left for college, I have lived alone with my parents. I had a lot of time getting to know "the adults". I said in my earlier post that it's dreadful to live with your 'rents but now, I take my words back. True, there are moments where they kind of blow your mind and drive you crazy but its normal in a parent-teen relationship.

I used to really really dislike my mom. I actually hated her. But it's all in the past now. I love my mom, despite how loud and bossy she can be. :] Happy birthday.

Raindwops keep falling on my head

2007-06-23T08:47:00.000+08:00

My tune: Perhaps Love from Princess Hours <3
currently chatting with mitty

My first week in school was a period of adjustment. Im having a hard time dealing with my new teachers. Actually, just one of my new teachers.. My Algebra and Physics teacher. Im unfamiliar to the way she teaches. She talks very fast and teaches in high speed as well. After discussing for a short while, she often gives a quiz. <----This is my problem. I am particularly not a fast learner when it comes to Math-related subjects. I hate to admit it but yes, I am a slow learner in those subjects. In order for me to learn the ABC's of our lesson, I need to absorb everything first. My Algeb and Physics teacher unfortunately robs me of that much needed moment in processing things into my brain. Gaah. One of these days, I'll beat her. :}

Besides whining about my new teachers, I did something brave this week--- I tried out for our school paper.

For me, it is such a big big deal. Last year, I gathered my guts and also tried out but was awkardly rejected. Dang, I so hate rejection. My ego was crushed. I even blabbed about my very first encounter with rejection in my blog last year. Here's a sneak peak. [Beware: explicit use of language. I spoke very stupid words as expressions a year ago.]

The feeling of feeling like crap

June 23, 2006
I am very happy to say that I didn't get in [school paper]. Yaay. Please congratulate me. Oh..whatever.

It feels awful pitying yourself. Yes. That is how I feel right now. I feel stupid and a useless b*tch. Excuse the attitude but that is the truth. Considering what happened today, I think this day will go to the records of the worst days ever. I can definitely remember every single detail. Our school paper head was announcing the fortunate people who will be the staff and editors of our effin school paper . She was down to the least positions and my f*ckin' name wasn't called yet. I was shaking and my hand were clammy. And the moment has come... she called my name and Sophie's and told us that she's sorry but blah blah blah (you know what happened next). Everyone stared at us with a look of pity. I faked a smile of course. I hid my emotions that my throat started to hurt. It may sound like an over reaction but i felt like collapsing to tears. My eyes wanted to shed tears so badly but I held them back. It was very hard. And no way in hell did i liked it.

My spirit was crushed and my pride was torn into pieces. I tried to put them back together by thinking that their missing out a great writer but I just felt like a liar to myself. I feel very bad. Self-pity..sh*t.

>taken from http://the-makebelieve.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html

Oh man, I was pretty angry at that time. I didn't handle rejection in a light way indeed. But at present, If ever I wouldnt get in, I wont react the way I reacted last year. Im more mature and less childish right now. I'd be a little broken hearted for a while but I'll get over it soon of course. Im just keeping my fingers crossed and my hopes high that I'd get in. I want to become a better writer, you know. And I believe our school paper can surely make me one.

Now, talking 'bout matters of the heart.. I keep on seeing my "ex-crush" on campus. Seeing him brings back some old feelings and memories. So corny. Whatever. Haaaay..

____________________________________________________________________________________

Belated happy and a blessed birthday to my sister Angela. Hope you liked my lil gift for you.

Energy boosting prayer

2007-06-14T18:37:00.000+08:00

My tune: Need You here by Hillsong

"He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak."

Isaiah 40:29

It has just been two days since school started and I am already tired, worn out and weak. Perhaps my body is still adjusting to the sudden change of my daily activities. I was so used to bumming around, doing nothing at home during summer that my body is now in a state of shock with the active lifestyle I now live.

When your body is weak and exhausted, it immediately affects more than just the physical aspect. My body being out of energy definitely affects my spirit. I become irritable, indifferent and passive towards school. Oh nooo! This is bad news.

I know I am not alone. You are tired too. We all need a boost of energy . When we are tired with our heavy burdens, we need to focus and come to our King up there. So I dedicate this post for my prayer to Lord Father God to give us, His stressed children, that extra boost of energy that is very much needed.

Lord Father God,

We are weary, tired and exhausted. School seems like an energy-draining place for us. It is just the second day of school and almost all of our powers are already drained. We wake up each morning with a heavy feeling. Our bodies are giving up, but with your blessing, our souls are still fighting it. Lord God, I pray with a hopeful heart that you will make our bodies and souls strong and zealous. Make us stop complaining and make us endure the stressful days that we are about to face.

Father God, now that we are seniors, there are many demanding trials in store for us. Shower us with Your undying love and grace and give us strength to prevail over the greater challenges, harder tasks and tougher duties that we will come across.

Please Lord Almighty, assist us in our difficult subjects. Make our minds awake and open during Algebra class and most especially in Physics class. Do not let us daydream, or sleep or be distracted in any way.

I also pray for all of us to make use of our time in a smart way and make our final year in high school, a well-spent and extraordinary year.

We are thankful You blessed us with less "terrorizing" teachers this school year. Please let them speak and teach slowly for the benefit of everyone.
Lord God, I ask you to please hear my prayer.Amen.

How about you? Mind sharing your prayer for this school year? I would be glad and ecstatic to read them. Thanks a million. :)

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Special greeting: Happy happy happy sweet sixteenth birthday to my once-lost-but-now-found good friend, Coxy.mwah.

Thinking Over

2007-06-12T09:29:00.000+08:00

My tune: Remember by Allister
thanks Shiela for introducing the band to me :)

The countdown is almost over. In less than 48 hours, I am going to bid goodbye to my Junior life and say hello to Senior-ness. Its a bit funny though since my last post was all about my Junior year and how unwilling I am to move on from it..And just all of a sudden, my mind changed and Im already looking forward to the school year that's ahead of me. After much thinking and reminiscing, I guess I've made up my mind to let go, break free and move on from the previous year. I've stopped worrying whether Senior year will be as memorable as junior year. After all, I believe that senior year will be twice as great as junior year because our class is much closer and "chummier" with one another than before. You see, our class is not just a group of students crammed in a four-walled classroom. Our class is a one, big, happy family. Am I right classmates? Or shall I say.. family-mates? Hahaha. :)

I am very delighted that school is about to start in 2 days . I am becoming restless of just staying at home together with my parents and eating microwaved popcorn with them. I am sooo over my summer vacation and I really do want to be in school right now. Hard to believe but I am serious.I want to be in school.

But I am not particularly ecstatic towards the first day of school. If you have read my sidebar, which is in the right side of your monitor, you'll see that I pretty much dont like first days of school. I am not quite sure of the reason why. First days of school just give me that bizarre, inexplicable feeling which I dont really like. Plus, I can't sleep on the eve of the first day of school. Maybe, just maybe, the reason why I dont like first days of school is because I have a trauma of it. Back in elementary, my first days of school were miserable. Usually my friends were in other classes so I dont have any friends to be with during that day.I was normally left out. So..maybe that's the reason why I dont like that day.It reminds me of my tragic past.[<---Emo]

Let's have a flashback. Here is my blog post exactly one year ago. It's about my thoughts and expectations towards my first day of school of that year. Its from my old blog.

School Jitters
June 12, 2006

Unfortunately, (with a little bit of fortune) the day after tomorrow will be the first day of school. It’s the big day. And probably the loudest day of the whole school year. I can already imagine how the day will go. People here and there will be screaming excitement at the reunion with their friends and have the adrenaline rush of it all. I plan to be fashionably late and create a grand entrance to make a first impression. Is that right? Hahaha. No. Seriously. I want to be a bit late so when I arrive, I won’t be looking for my friends since everyone is already there. Yaay. I don’t want to wait, you know.

I am not that thrilled to be in school again. But I'm used to the thought that sooner or later, I will be stuck in a classroom so might as well be open to the idea. whatever. Wait, what attitude is this?? I want to be in school!!! ... and study..er.. and stay up late studying... uhm.. do assignments and be frustrated. YAAAY! Back to school..Back to school..Back to school.
taken from http://the-makebelieve.blogspot.com

[Reading that one year old post makes me realize that the way I think and write really changes as time goes by.]

At present, I dont really expect much to happen on my first day of school. True, I expect that its going to be a really loud day but I dont expect any magical thing to happen. I am just going to reunite with my friends, see the new students [and check out if they're cute], do some school stuff and go home. That's what Im going to do on that day.

For the rest of the days of the school year, I leave them all to my Lord Father God. I know, I really really know, He has soooo much extraordinary surprises in store for His senior daughter. And of course, for you too.

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Now here is something for you to think about: What do you expect from our Senior year?Leave me some comments and your answers. Thanks ya'll.

PS. To my dearest friend Nadine. I hope you'll get over that freakish guy and everything will turn out well for you. Mwah.

Remembering an unforgettable year

2007-06-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

My tune: Move Along by All American Rejects

Five days from now, I will officially be a senior. The three, juvenile and happy-go-lucky years that have passed by, all come down to this final year. At first, I was reluctant to accept the idea that I'd be leaving high school. People say that a person's high school years are the best years in his life for during high school, people make genuine friendships, fall in love and grow at the same time.

Well, I guess those people are right. My high school is definitely great. After spending a hell-like life in grade school [i was bullied], it is like a breath of fresh air to be in high school. The three years that I have stayed in high school were rollercoaster rides.

In my first year, I was a monster. I was still new to the environment of not being bullied, that in return, I became a bully myself. I was a mean girl. I always did evil things to my seatmate.

My second year was fair. I somehow outgrew my childish behaviour when I was a freshie. During my second year, I met my loyal and faithful girl friends. Take note: only girl friends.
I didnt have much boy friends at that time yet. I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone and to try meeting different people. So I just hung out with the usual "girl" group.

Now, here comes my junior year. Its beyond words. Its in this year where I finally knew what high school is all about. I learned so much from this year.So to make it a little fun, here is a list of things I came to know and realized when I was a junior:

1. I learned to get out of my comfort zone and have the guts to meet people I dont usually hang out with. Remember when I was in second year? I used to have only girl friends? Well finally, I learned how to socialize and be friendly with the "others". You know what I mean when I say the "others" right? Yeah.. the boys. A friendship with a boy is entirely different with a girl. Since boys and girls dont think very much alike, talking with them is pretty interesting. Its worthwhile to have a friendship with a guy.

2. I realized that indeed, nothing is impossible.During my lower years in high school, I wasn't really academically achieving. True I was in the top section, but I wasn't excelling much from the rest as I used to do in elementary. So in my junior year, I conditioned my mind to become a better student. I wanted to achieve and accomplish something. And I did. My class rank improved so much. I even won as the secretary of the whole student body. I am a living proof that success will only be attained through hard work, determination and prayers. I can pretty much say that I actually became a nerd in third year. Hahaha.

During my third year in high school, I also went through new experiences which in the long run, really helped me grow as an individual. First, a.) I experienced failure. I tried out for our school newspaper and was rejected. But I was also triumphant. b.)I joined an impromptu speaking contest, and won.Third, c.) I went to prom. Need I say more?. And finally, d.) I almost had a love life. Why almost? Well, its a long story.

But do you know what's the "best-est" part of this school year? Having classmates that are actually, more like a family to me. So here is a tribute to a great year. I made this video when the school year was ending. You may have seen it before but I tell you, take time to watch it again. Its more memorable the second time around. So now, as I finish this post, I am keeping my fingers crossed that if junior year was great, Senior year will even be greater.

Poor Miss Hilton

2007-06-07T06:37:00.000+08:00

My tune: Stupid girls by Pink

How sad for miss Paris Hilton. She's going to jail. Actually, she is already behind bars. She turned herself in 2 days earlier. Her glamorous life will be put on hold for a little while, I guess.Here is her mug shot. Her mug shot's kind of weird. Agree? Its as if she's happy to go to jail or something. Hahaha.She is all made up, wearing make up and her hair is even in a one sided look.

Ive seen the mug shots of other celebs who went to jail, and trust me, they all looked like.. uh.. wasted. But Paris? Paris will always be Paris.

All good things must come to an end for her. Miss Hilton going to jail is a testimony that a life taken for granted will end up topsy turvy.

Its such an irony that a lot, and I mean a lot of teenage girls treat her as their role model. Some even want to be like her.I am a teenager myself but I am in no way seeing her as a role model. Well, I used to like her. I loved her fashion and the way she does her thing.I wouldnt even miss an episode of her reality show The Simple Life. But its all in the past.

Paris is materialistic and "money-oriented". And people that like her are likewise materialistic and "money-oriented" . Like the saying goes, birds of the same feathers, flock together. Well, Paris Hilton fanatics, look at your role model.Is she still glamorous now that she's in jail? Is she still glamorous now that she's out of her designer clothes but in orange-colored suits that inmates wear?

Obviously, the answer is no. Du-uh.

So girls, open your eyes. Paris' footstep is not a good path to follow.

Pork and Volcanic eruptions

2007-06-06T10:06:00.000+08:00

My tune: Swing swing by All American Rejects

Today is an Independence day for me.I did something I normally leave others to do for me. I cooked real food today. Well, I have had cooking experiences before but they were always unreal food like hotdogs, or eggs, or any type of food cooked in the microwave. At home, I am known as the microwave master.Yeah, microwave ovens are damn good.

So anyway, I decided to try cooking pork chops for lunch. Its a big deal to me since i find it dangerous. I have seen Angela [sister] fry pork chops before and believe me, its more chaotic than you think. So I armed myself with pot holders that cover my whole arms so that I wouldnt get those oil spatters, or whatever you call it.

But my protection against the enemy didnt help at all. As I was frying the pork chops, the oil in the pan would explode or blow up like a volcanic eruption. Every now and then, oil suddenly pops out all over the place.

Is there any scientific explanation for the phenomenon that boiling oil just suddenly blows up when you fry pork chop in it?I mean, isnt it weird? Well, I managed to get through the cooking process alive and just slightly stinged by the oil spatters.

Oh my, I said earlier that microwave ovens are good. Now, I think microwave ovens make my life painless.They are my heroes.

But despite the sting and ache that cooking caused me, I happily want to give a toast for independency. Toast!

Bitter goodbye

2007-06-05T10:10:00.000+08:00

My tune: Love alone by Caedmon's Call

Little did I know that today is the very first day in my journey to solitude.

My sisters left me today this morning. All of them are gone.

So I woke up this morning seeing my sisters getting ready to leave. I gave each of them a big hug and stared intently at their very faces for it will be long before I set my eyes upon them again. After that, I watched them leave in our family car, speeding through the concrete road en route the airport. I closed the gate behind me and looked at our empty house. The once loud and chaotic home before me has now become an empty and seemingly lifeless house. I went inside and realized that the moment I have been dreading has come. I will be living all alone.. with my parents.

I have been preparing for this moment, getting myself ready for what is to come. But yet, the idea is still very new to me. One of these days.. I will eventually live with it. Its just a matter of adjusting to the new environment.

I went straight back to bed. I was feeling rather sad. The emotions started creeping in. They've just been gone for a couple of minutes but I started to miss them already. I looked around and I saw things that reminded me of what used to be. The dvd reminded me of our late night dvd marathons, watching Princess Hours and falling in love with love. Remembering that memory caused me to recall the things we do. The times when we ate noodles and argued who'd wash the dishes.. The time when we visited the beach and got ourselves a supertan. The times when we mimicked our Japanese furbys and laughed our heads off.And just simply the times when we talk about anything and everything before we sleep.I started and ended my summer days with them.

Memories like these cause me to become emotional. I was alone and was nostalgic and the best thing to do was to be a crybaby. I wasnt sad because I was alone. I was sad because once again, the people that make me happy left. Its the feeling I hate the most. I knew from the moment I wiped away a tear from my cheek that It is going to be a bad, sad day for me. I let out a deep sigh, closed my eyes and prayed.
Tomorrow will be a better day.

Discovery

2007-04-21T13:56:00.000+08:00

My tune: It feels like home to me Chantal Krevaizuk

Its been a long time my friend. My computer broke down last week so I wasnt able to go online for days. Apparently, a virus from the web kept on blocking my access to the internet. So there you go, 7 whole days of suffering.

I thought about my blog and how Im not able to update it that often. Well I decided not to actually since if I post here every single day, it would seem like my words would turn to yadda yadda stuff.What I mean is, it would be entirely monotonous. So I like updating it once a week. It gives me time to think about what I'll share you next.

Anyway, there's a lot of things to catch up here. Im dying to tell you my trip to the beach exactly seven days ago. Going to the beach is a very big deal to me since all my life, I was deprived of it. I was always stuck in a chlorine-smelling swimming pool. So I was very excited.We even rode a pump boat going to the island. At the sight of the powdery white sand and the crystal clear waters of the island made my heart leap for joy. I was like a kid seeing a gigantic banana split.haha

The moment I stepped my foot on the shore and felt the sand between my toes, I knew that I belonged to the beach. Yes. I am a beach girl.

As I plunged into the water, I felt the salt in it get into my eyes.But I wasnt annoyed. At least it was not chlorine like what I was used to feel in my eyes.And to make things even better, I even got a jet ski ride.Yeah..it was the best. Some professional jet skiers were also in the beach resort and I made my way into letting me ride in one of their jet skis..for free. Well, what can I say, thats the power of my charm. [!!]

Oh man, the jet ski ride was terrific.I felt like a a lifeguard in the tv show Baywatch.haha. The wind was blowing my hair in all directions and water was splattering all over my face.What an experience!Hmm..Im thinking that my next adventure would be surfing.Aint that cool?Lol.

Well, going home and leaving the beach was the hardest part.I really hate saying goodbye to things that I love.And here, I was like saying goodbye to my home. But I didnt leave it empty handed.I was full of memories and of course, the discovery that I, Charisse, the girl who was once a prisoner of a swimming pool, is actually a..beach girl.

Unseen Difference

2007-04-11T12:51:00.000+08:00

My tune: the silence of a Wednesday morning

When we were younger, we would dream alot of things. Our ideal prince charming, our dream wedding, our magical prom night.. every single detail of our lives are thought about by our imagination. Well, in my case, I would always always dream and think about my perfect summer holiday. Cheesy isnt it? But thats what kids do. I imagine myself.. bumming around with no more homeworks to do, watching tv all day, hogging the pc from dawn til dusk and of course, whats a summer without frolicking under the sun.

All these dreaming sessions normally happen while im sitting on that familiar brown wooden armchair, stuck in a four-sided room otherwise or rather dreadfully known as a classroom.Yes, my mind travels a thousand miles away from my brain in class. March..aah..yes. The last month of school. Thats when my mind travels the most.

Well, so much for that flashback of what used to be. At present, Ive grown out that childish behaviour. I no longer dream or fantasize my so-called perfect summer holiday anymore. In fact, I almost forgot that there is such a thing called the summer season. Ive grown accustomed of being a prisoner of the pressures in school that somehow, its all work and no play for me. Weekends became my summer vacation instead.

And now, I am here.Living in the summer season. But I dont really feel any spark of relief or joy that I have breaken free from school. Every single summer day seems empty. Theres nothing to do except for some few things lazy people do..like sleeping all day.

Its pretty weird since when I was still a little girl, my sisters and I enjoyed everyday of the summer.One summer, we enrolled in a swimming summer class and our classes we're scheduled MWF. Gee, at that time, I couldnt wait for our classday to come.My sisters and I would pretend that were mermaids and we'd play a certain game which we made up called "the shark-shark game." One of us will unfortunately be the shark and she'll swim, trying to catch a bait. Then after that, we would go underwater, pinched our noses and blow donut bubbles. At the end of the day, we were all sunburned.We were all as dark as charcoal..haha.Just looking back at those memories really make me feel nostalgic.

But again, that was the past. Everything changed.

I guess I left my heart during the school season.Yes, perhaps I did.

I miss school.And everything in between.
Ive enjoyed my junior year so much that I fell out of love for the summer.But I dont miss the torture of schoolworks, I miss just the feeling of being in school. Because there, I get to see the people that make me laugh and happy.My friends.

But hello? I havent gone completely crazy yet. Im not going to spoil my summer. I'll do something worthwhile.

I know, I am growing up this summer.

Sacrifice and Lent

2007-04-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

My tune: Inside out by Delirious

A question ran through my mind last night. I was about to do my quite time when this certain question just came like a poof.

"Whats the greatest sacrifice you have done in your life?"

I pondered on it greatly, and I came to realize that I have nothing to answer.What a shame. In the fifteen years that I have been existing in this world, I havent done a single sacrifice. I felt bad, of course. It goes to show that I have been taking things for granted. And yes, it also proves my selfishness. Its a downer to know that your like that. I mean, when people tell me that Im selfish, the usual thing that i do is to deny it. But now that I have learned it myself, denial is no longer an option.

So as I was doing my quite time, I kept on remembering that question. That question being stuck on my mind must mean something. Then suddenly, God just gave me a flashback of what i did that day. I was infront of the computer, wasting time and electricity all day. Then I had a glimpse of my cellphone and I remembered that besides hogging the pc, I also texted from sun rise to sun set. Yes yes, I have become a lady of leisure this summer. Naahh.. more of like a Juan Tamad. I have become the girl version of Juan Tamad, which I will refer to as Juana tamad.

So I made up my mind. The question, the flashback..all of these lead to one bottom line.
I have to make a sacrifice for Holy Week.

I bet you've guessed what my sacrifice is. Oh yeah.. Im sacrificing my internet fondness and my cellphone for Lent. Starting tomorrow, its goodbye to my online life..well, at least for a while.
But I have to tell you, it might sound as easy as 1 2 3 but the truth is, its as hard as learning Arabic.I know myself too much and I know that Im not true to my words. When I say Im not going to do this or that, Im only fooling myself. I have the worst record when it comes to self-discipline.

But change is knocking on my doorstep right now. I can do it. With God's grace, I know I will. Jesus was nailed on the cross for my sins.So now, I will sacrifice things close to my heart too, only for Him.

I pray for success. So that the next time Im asked the same question I thought of before, I will be able to answer it. Hey, sacrificing my cellphone and internent fondness may sound like such a small thing to do. But you know what, it all depends on the person.
How 'bout you..What's your lenten sacrifice?